NFL and the Girls, Part 2

Last month, I wrote about the Ray Rice incident, and the complete and total failure on the part of the Commish and the NFL to appropriately handle the situation. And I hoped that would be the last of the clichéd post from a female football blogger. But alas, much like when you hide dirty laundry under the bed, eventually what appeared to be a perfectly lovely bedroom turns into a den of exploded laundry and you can do nothing but take a stilted breath and deal with the mess; such has become the NFL and its domestic violence “policy.”

In case you missed it, TMZ* released the prequel to the video that got Ray Rice suspended for two games. In short, prior to dragging his then-fiancée out of the elevator, Ray punched her in dead in the face like he was facing an opponent in the boxing ring and she was out cold.** After the video was released, the Ravens immediately released Rice, and Commish Goodell took his butt off his shoulders*** and suspended Rice indefinitely. For me, a series of questions followed:

1. Why was two games of punishment sufficient in the first place?
2. Since Goodell is probably lying, why wasn’t this video enough to get Rice fired more permanently?
3. And, what in the hell did Rice say to whitewash the story that was actually believable? (the official word is that Rice didn’t tell the truth and that’s why they were willing to give him another chance).

None of these questions were answered. Natch. But what we do know is that once the proverbial dirty laundry was aired, the NFL took swift action against Rice. But no so much against a 49ers player, Ray McDonald, who was also arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. 49ers CEO says he is going to let due process take its course. Frankly, the lawyer in me is cool with this, since Rice has been arrested, indicted, and entered into a post-arrest program; whereas McDonald has been arrested on suspicions only.

But this isn’t where it stopped. Much like back in 2009 when Tiger Woods was exposed as a serial cheater after one accusation led to what felt like 100 others, the same has happened in the NFL. First, Rice, then McDonald. Then, Adrian Peterson of the Vikings was indicted on charges of child abuse. And now, cover-ups of Brandon Marshall have resurfaced. Mostly, these charges are reflecting less on the players and mostly on the NFL and its blind eye policy to violence against women (and possibly children); and how that contrasts it’s scorn of drug use. As NFL Memes put it:

I’m not surprised by any of this. I’ve been practicing employment law long enough to realize that when the top revenue generators are in trouble, the CEOs/Chairmen/Senior Executives will do anything and everything in their power to keep that top generator making money. In the case of the NFL it’s the starters that are making that money. I’ve got $10 that says if a practice squad guy is arrested for domestic violence, he’d be out on his ass faster than he could say “not guilty.” Instead of surprise, I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated because the sports leagues are some of the only employers that can so strictly limit their employees’ off-duty conduct. The level of control they exert over these guys’ conduct should extend to punching a domestic partner in the face.

I hate to point out that nearly half of the fans are women (and therefore, half of the people with purchasing power of NFL fan items, and half of the people advertisers want to target) because I don’t think that should be part of the conversation. Men should be just as offended by a man who is professionally trained to hit someone hard enough to give that person a concussion is using that might to express anger/control/frustration/prove a point on a person of lesser strength. To give you a better analogy, if Mike Tyson gets into a bar fight, he’s guilty of assault with a weapon, because he’s a professional boxer. Football players may not be trained to land a jab, but they sure as shit know how to knock a 300 lb linebacker on his ass.****

Now, the NFL has (somewhat patronizingly) hired 3 women and promoted a 4th to develop a domestic violence policy. In this case, I’ll say right result for the wrong reasons. I’m hoping that fake claims don’t start coming out of the woodwork, but if this is what it takes to get a change in culture then so be it.

Just my two cents.

*The NSA of celebrities and sports figures

**Interestingly enough, he probably wouldn’t do that in a real game, since it would result in an injection. See: Wilkerson, Muhammad, in Jets vs. Packers just last week.

***Which is the polite, southern lady way of saying he took his head out of his ass

****Recent lack of tackling in Packers, Giants, Bears, and other games of the past two weeks notwithstanding.

Week 2 Predictions

Before I get into this week's picks, a word about my TwittPick. ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR GUT!!!! This is what I get for listening to other people. I knew to pick Baltimore. In a rival game, unless the away team has been in beast mode for several weeks, or the home team is down right terrible, I always pick the home team. Because home field advantage is real. Something like getting yo' ass whooped in front of your kid or a group of friends. It just ain't right.

Anyway, Baltimore won, and I would have been right but for my ridiculous decision to listen to a co-worker and a friend of mine. Note to self: don't ask for their opinions anymore.

Ah well, let's see if I can do any better for this week. Here we go:

Miami v. Buffalo: Both teams are coming off of huge wins last week. But I'm really liking EJ Manuel and Buffalo's defense, so I'll go with Buffalo. To be fair, that's pure speculation.

Detroit v. Carolina: I am calling Detroit, and here's why. Cam Pretty-Boy-Oh-So-Fine Newton was apparently talking mad smack in a press conference earlier this week. He referred to Newton called Ndamukong Suh “Donkey Kong Suh” five times during his press conference.* For those of you keeping track, Suh is a dirty defensive tackle. And near as I can tell, he wears that title as a badge of honor. He gives, ZERO f***s about the fines that the NFL is willing to dole out. In recent memory, he's been tagged for unnecessary roughness, stepping on an opposing player's hand, and an infamous stomp during the Thanksgiving 2011 game against the Packers:



So basically, I hope Cam Newton has some of the best blockers ever to play the game. Otherwise it's going to be a VERY long day for Cam. And Detroit wins without any reference to the Golden Megatron combo.

Atlanta v. Cincinnati: Cincinnati.

New Orleans v. Cleveland: New Orleans. Always bet on Drew Brees.

New England v. Minnesota: New England. Yeah, Minnesota is coming off a huge win...but they're also losing AP to child abuse charges in Texas.** Meanwhile, New England got walloped by Miami last week, and Tom Brady's ego won't let him lose twice.

Arizona v. New York: Arizona could pull this off. New York seems to be mid re-building year, and they've given Eli a whole lot to learn. Plus, we all know that the Giants start show every year.

Dallas v. Tennessee: Tennessee.

Jacksonville v. Washington: Washington.

Seattle v. San Diego: Seattle.

St. Louis v. Tampa Bay: Tampa Bay. Lovie Smith is supposed to be the defense guru, and St. Louis is hurting from losing their QB (again). If you picked up TB's defense in your fantasy league, it might be a good day for you.

Kansas City v. Denver: Denver. I'm not sure bitterness and hate is going to carry KC into another season. But in any event, Peyton is at home.

New York v. Green Bay: Green Bay. The Packers just aren't losing this game at home. #nope.

Houston v. Oakland: Houston.

Chicago v. San Francisco: San Francisco. Cutler makes horrible decisions and SF has a great defense. SF also has a competent QB...so there's that.

Philadelphia v. Indianapolis: Indianapolis. Truthfully? Pure speculation. LeSean McCoy is still Shady McCoy and likely to take off running. But Andrew Luck seems to have some sort of magical ability to win at home.





*FIVE TIMES, B? Really?!!? FIVE???

**side note: What is going on in the NFL? It's only Week 2 and we've had 3 well-known players arrested, plus 2 major positive drug charges. It's going to be The Replacements playing the game pretty soon. Somebody tell Keanu Reaves and Faizon Love to suit up.

Quick Bits: Talking Defense

A reader recently asked me to explain types of defenses. And so, request granted!

Most often, commentators will talk about man-to-man and zone coverage. Basically, man-to-man is when a defensive player is assigned to block (or defend against) a particular player. Zone is when a defensive player is assigned a particular zone. Simple, right?

In man-to-man coverage, the defender's only job is to make sure his assigned man doesn't get the ball (or in the case of an RB, doesn't get anywhere with the ball). The defender is going to stick to that guy like a tween to her HS crush....Following him like a lovesick puppy. Or a pit bull chasing bacon. Either way, in man-to-man coverage, the defender sticks to his, well, man.

In zone coverage, the defender is guarding his "zone" or his fiefdom. The biggest difference is, when a defender is playing zone, it doesn't matter who comes into his fiefdom, that joker is getting laid out if he's got the ball. (At least, that's the plan if it is effective zone coverage). Interesting fact: according to www.dummies.com (yes, I scour other sources so you don't have to!!) an easy way to identify zone coverage is when more than two defenders drop deep into the secondary.*

Now, within each of these, there are even more subtypes of the defenses: 3-4 Defense, Cover 2, Nickel, and so on. But that's more detail for a different day. Can you spot both of these this week? Let's call that a project for Week 2.

*so basically, they line up like a guy is at home plate during the kickball game rather than a girl. Did this bug anyone else in elementary school? No? Just me then.

Week 1 Predictions

It’s time for the first picks of the year! And no, I don’t want to talk about last night’s game, thank you. Let’s just get down to it, shall we?

New Orleans v. Atlanta: This is always a tough rivalry, but the Saints seem to best the Falcons every. single. time. Even though New Orleans is travelling, I’m still going with the Saints. And it has nothing to do with my secret love of NOLA. Who dat?!

Cincinnati v. Baltimore: With Ray Rice suspended, and Joe Flacco still being the most overpaid QB in the league, I would say Cincinnati stands a chance. But I couldn’t begin to tell you how the team has gelled at this point. So, I’m going to give it to Baltimore.

Buffalo v. Chicago: Chicago’s home field advantage is strong, but Buffalo had a strong start last year. Unfortunately, this is E.J. Manuel’s second year, and therefore he’s primed for a sophomore slump. The word on the street is that the Bills have a decent defense, but I don’t think there will be enough oompf there to carry Buffalo past Chicago.

Washington v. Houston: Listen, RGIII is going to shake off his sophomore slump, and hopefully has built a rapport with [one of my fantasy receivers] DeSean Jackson. Jackson is one quick-as-lightning sonuvagun, but as with any relationship QB to WR rapport takes time to build. In any event, we learned last year that JJ Watt can’t carry the Texans on his back. The Texans have a new QB and a disastrous last season. They’ve got enough to overcome without the pesky distraction of winning the first game of the season. I’m going Washington on the road.

Tennessee v. Kansas City: Let’s see if bitterness and hate can get it done another year! Go KC!

New England v. Miami: New England. Tom Brady, all day, every day.

Oakland v. NY Jets: J-E-T-S…hey, if the fans can get excited, why shouldn’t I? Also, Oakland just seems to be a motley crue of football player emeriti. It’s where players go when they aren’t quite ready to retire, but have been placed by someone newer, younger, and prettier.

Jacksonville v. Philly: Really?

Cleveland v. Pittsburgh: In a tough rivalry, it’s generally a good move to go with the home team. Pittsburgh.

Minnesota v. St. Louis: I would have picked St. Louis, except Sam Bradford is out. Again. So, I’m going with Minnesota. Perhaps AP is fired up again this year.

San Francisco v. Dallas: San Francisco.

Carolina v. Tampa Bay: I would pick Carolina, but it’s totally dependent on Cam Newton. Plus Lovie Smith is back and he’s huge on defense. Even if Cam is playing, I’m not sure he’ll be getting too much work in. I’m going Tampa Bay.

Indianapolis v. Denver: My co-worker told me it was going to be the Reggie Wayne show on Sunday night. But, this is a much hyped rematch, and Peyton lost last time. Plus, this is at Denver. I’ll go with Peyton at home.

New York Giants v. Detroit: Detroit should win this game. But they probably won’t, because they never win games they should. Even though they’ve got Golden Tate and Megatron to split up the entire secondary of the Giants…and yet.... New York Giants.

San Diego v. Arizona: Arizona.

Football Eve!

It’s Football Eve!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not unlike the first day of school, there is a lot to be excited for. New rookies to watch for, 2nd year slumps to bet on, and just seeing how your team’s draft picks panned out. As is always my prediction, the first round draft picks are going to be huge disappointments (looking at you Johnny Manziel).

As is no secret, I’m a Packers fan, so I am one of the lucky fans who will be watching my own team for the NFL opening game on Thursday. The Packers drafted Ha Ha Clinton-Dix in the first round, and I’m excited to see what he can do for our ailing secondary. (And hoping he'll beat the odds of being a disappointing draft pick). I’m also interested to find out if Dom Capers is really trying to keep his job.**

One fact they may keep non-Packers and non-Seahawks fans interested in this game is that it is the first time the Packers have returned to Seattle since the Touchception Tragedy. Grant it, the super wack call brought the refs back to the game. But all at the expense of the Packers win. If you ask most Packers fans, that “call” still stings. To be fair, if the Packers had been winning in the first place, they wouldn’t have been in a position to lose the game based on one bad call in the first place.

Back to tomorrow's game....Seattle isn’t going to get any easier to play in, and if they truly are as good as they appeared at the Super Bowl, they are tough contenders. Currently they have a Power Ranking of #1. Interestingly enough, the Packers are ranked #4. If those rankings translate to the field, that means it’s going to be a tough game. Check out Twitter for my twit-pick tomorrow!


**Seriously, where was the defense last season?

Who's your first round pick?

In the quest for the best. fantasy team. EVAHHHHHH. There is a question that every fantasy team manager must ask themselves: do I draft a QB or a RB first?

Both positions are pretty solid choices. Both quarterbacks and running backs are solid points-horses. Unless you happen to draft Tim Tebow or Johnny Manziel, your QB is going to be playing every game and is going to get you points either in yardage or scoring plays all game. On the other hand, if you pick a superstar running back such as Eddie Lacy, Adrian Peterson, or Arian Foster you've got a good shot of a player working hard to help you win. So who do you go with?

On the quarterback side, there are a limited number of great QBs in the league. There are those that are suffering from the sophomore slump (you may remember my post about Cam and RGIII last year) Plus, not every QB is going to throw a bomb down the field every single game like Aaron Rodgers and Peyton Manning. Some may have a receiver who couldn't catch a fish in a barrel, let alone a football hurtling down the field. If that's the case, they're handing it off to the running back. Which means a lot fewer yards and for you, fewer points. So it may behoove you to grab the QB you want early. But, depending on how many teams are in your league, and the number of QBs you truly like, perhaps you've got enough QBs to spare so you can wait until another round to get the guy you want.

On the side of the running back, just like with QBs, there's a limited number. I'd even suggest that the number of running backs who are likely to score big for you are even less than QBs. The beauty about running backs is they have the potential to grab a ton of yardage, as well as make a way into the end zone. Furthermore, the RB doesn't have to rely on another person to grab that yardage*....unlike a QB who generally needs a receiver to catch the ball.**

So, if it's my team, I'm probably choosing the RB in my first round, and the QB in the second. But your absolute best bet is to keep track of who has been picked and who is left, and make a game time decision as your turn comes. You've got to read what everyone else is doing and pay attention, so you can make the best pick for your team.

Good luck and happy drafting!




*blockers notwithstanding

**Yes, I know. Michael Vick, RGIII, Colin Kaepernick, blah blah blah.

Pigskin Polygamists

In case you haven't heard, Johnny Football (or, as he's more fondly known in my house, Johnny Benched-Ass) was drafted by the Cleveland Browns. And he's already making waves. First, by bringing his ridiculous celebration to the Rock & Roll city*:

But also by getting fined by the NFL for flipping off the Redskins bench. (hehehehehehehe). Anyway, despite the off-field shenanigans, he's been getting schooled on the field. And learning (the hard way) that getting pummeled by grown-ass men is not the same as beating college kids at a bowl game.

So, for now, Browns coach Mike Pettine is going with QB Hoyer as the starter for week one. But, he doesn't seem to want to commit. He's already saying that the Browns may be following the doomed path of switching to a 2-QB system. Which begs the question: has that system EVER worked? I mean seriously, is Pettine new to the game of football? Polygamy has no place in the NFL.

In the last few years, there have been a couple teams that have tried this ill-fated system. The Eagles, the 49ers, the Jets, and now the Browns.

First, the Eagles started with Michael Vick and Nick Foles. Unable to make a decision, they both ended up alternating. That is, until the chips were down and Kelly had to decide which QB would lead the team. Ultimately, all the Eagles ended up with were broken dreams and lost games. Then, there was the dirty play by San Francisco to move from Alex Smith to Kap. Albeit a slightly different situation -- Smith was hurt in a game and Kap was sent in. But apparently the coaching staff liked Kap's moves, because they slowly changed to a 2-QB system on Smith's return. Which was a polite way of saying Smith was being down-sized. (It didn't turn out all bad for everyone. Seems like KC should be thanking their lucky stars for the 49ers slap in the face to Alex Smith, because bitterness and hate drove Alex Smith to lead the Chiefs to a great playoff run last year.) Then, the Jets, with Mark Sanchez and Tebow. And again, the Jets with Mark Sanchez and Geno Smith. Ok....maybe the Jets didn't have a 2-QB system, so much as a can't break up with their should be ex, system.

Now, the Browns are going to join the cult of Pigskin Polygamists. I hope they don't follow in the slow, plodding footsteps of other teams with this ill-conceived notion. But, on the other hand, it'll be nice to see Johnny "Please Wipe That Dumb Smirk Off Your Face" Football get knocked down a peg. Where is Kevin Costner when you need him?!**



*word not the street is he got the idea from Drake -- he's sprinkling seasoning on the other team.


**If you missed this reference, go rent Draft Day. Immediately.