Week 10 Predictions

Tennessee v. Baltimore: Baltimore

Kansas City v. Buffalo: Kansas City

Miami v. Detroit: Well, I stand by my statement that Miami is completely underrated. But Megatron is back and is going to be looking to make a difference. And yet, I'm going with Miami in an upset.

Dallas v. Jacksonville: Dallas.

San Francisco v. New Orleans: Listen, NOLA at home is amazing. SF still seems to be...off. Seems like there's a little trouble brewing behind the scene with that team, whether or not they care to admit it. I'm going with New Orleans.

Pittsburgh v. New York Jets: Pittsburgh.

Atlanta v. Tampa Bay: Bad v. Bad. I'll go Tampa Bay, just for giggles. And because my dad is a Tampa Bay fan.

Denver v. Oakland: Denver. Even though there will be 3 new starters on the O-line.

St. Louis v. Arizona: Arizona is 7-1 and leading the NFC. St. Louis has a bad habit of being a spoiler for a lot of teams. But I still say Arizona will win this one.

New York Giants v. Seattle: Hey, they're home. That's when Seattle actually wins.

Chicago v. Green Bay: Y'all already know! Go Pack Go!!

Carolina v. Philadelphia: Philly.

Also? Congratulations to the Browns. Looking like a bit of movie magic has been sprinkled on their heads. Hate to be wrong on my TwittPicks, but in this case, all I can think about is how happy Overton Wakefield Jones would be.

Week 9 Predictions

Jacksonville v. Cincinatti: Cincinatti. I mean really, is that even a question?

Tampa Bay v. Cleveland: Cleveland. Don’t sleep on Cleveland. Maybe all the Browns needed was Kevin Costner in Draft Day to create enough fan buzz for the team*.

Arizona v. Dallas: Is Dallas on enough of a winning streak? Or did Romo seriously injure himself? I’m not sure…but I’m going to ride with Dallas for one more game. Arizona seems to have hit a wall.

Philadelphia v. Houston: Houston. I like JJ Watt to lay some smackdown at home.

New York Jets v. Kansas City: KC all day!

San Diego v. Miami: San Diego.

Washington v. Minnesota: I’m on strike with Washington until such time that they start using Desean Jackson for the speed demon that he is. Minnesota.

St. Louis v. San Francisco: San Francisco is going to want to prove that they’re better than the Seahawks. What better way than beating St. Louis? (eyeroll). I pick San Francisco to win anyway.

Denver v. New England: I have no idea. No clue. Peyton will be Peyton. But Gronkowski is hitting his stride again. I don’t know. Vegas says Denver. I say home teams usually win. Either way, it’ll be a high scoring game. *flips coin*. Okay, my quarter says New England.

Oakland v. Seattle: Seattle. They’re at home, after all.

Baltimore v. Pittsburgh: Baltimore. But only because I think they’re the better team this year.

Indianapolis v. New York Giants: I think the Giants might get surprised on this one. Andrew Luck will pull it out in the end. Indianapolis.


*And therefore enough people to be the 12th man and/or do spirit fingers for game winning drives.

Week 8 Predictions

Detroit v. Atlanta: Detroit. In a ridiculous game in London.

Seattle v. Carolina: Seattle had their tail handed to them last week by the Rams (not to mention that was the 3rd game they’d lost in a row). They’ll be playing bitter on Sunday and it just might be enough to carry them past Carolina.

Baltimore v. Cincinnati: Baltimore

Miami v. Jacksonville: Miami

St. Louis v. Kansas City: Ohh, tough call. St. Louis will be riding high from beating the Super Bowl Champs. But I still like Alex Smith. I’m going with Kansas City.

Chicago v. New England: HA. New England.

Buffalo v. New York Jets: The Bills have lost their starting RB, and are still in the haze of some QB drama. So I’m going with the Jets. In any event, I’m interested to see what the Percy Harvin trade renders for the Jets. More heartache and pain? Or will Harvin have his wicked way with the Buffalo defense?

Minnesota v. Tampa Bay: Tampa Bay. Lovie used to be a defense evil genius. Meanwhile, Minnesota’s got some problems on the offensive side of the ball. If Tampa Bay wins, it will probably be by shutting down all of Minnesota’s offensive hopes and dreams.

Houston v. Tennessee: Houston.

Philadelphia v. Arizona: I think Arizona’s been underrated. And I also think that Philly’s “best offense in football” has been sleeping lately. Down there in the heat, I’m going for Arizona.

Oakland v. Cleveland: Look, don’t sleep on Cleveland. I’m just sayin’.

Indianapolis v. Pittsburgh: I heard on the pre-game show last night that this is Andrew Luck’s first time going up to Pittsburgh against Big Ben. I also heard that Polamalu just ain’t hitting folks the way he used to. With all that, I’m taking Luck to carry Indy through to the W.

Green Bay v. New Orleans: There was a time when these were the two best teams in the NFC. Certainly this will be a game with two of the best QBs. Both defenses are going to have a shootout on their hands. If you ask me, the winning team is going to have a pass rusher that lights up the QB (calling Clay Mathews and Julius Peppers) and a secondary that has a radar on the ball. In any event, I’m still taking Green Bay. Y’all already know.

Washington v. Dallas: Inter-conference game. But Washington refuses to use D. Jackson for the speed demon that he is. So I refuse to pick them to win anything. Dallas.

So, I went to a professional hockey game last week

A friend of a friend of a friend was selling his tickets to a game at the last minute. So I decided to go because I’ve never been, and I’ve been making an effort over the past 2 years to get into hockey. (Chicago Blackhawks to be specific. And yes it’s easier because they’ve been winning). Hockey, like baseball and basketball, requires far more commitment per week than football does. But, I can see myself getting into the end of the season – right as the could begins to settle after football season ends. It’s my hope that hockey will fill that sports void – at least a little bit.

Anyhoo, it was great going to the game. I got lucky with the seats – they were club level. And you know, no matter what stadium you’re in, club level seats always have better food. ALWAYS. What I wasn’t expecting was the crowd. It was QUIET. Like, tennis match quiet. Like, I could hear my phone ping when my dad texted me, quiet. Say what? What kind of fervor is this?! This may be the only sport where it is actually more interesting to watch the game on television. And I say that because the announcers are SO excited when they’re calling the game. Plus, they’ve got to be a lot more animated during the play-by-play. Keeping track of that puck combined with the ever-present possibility that someone is about to get slammed into the glass is bound to get anyone excited.

But live? *low whistle*. Pins could drop. You need to concentrate on where that tiny little puck is sliding. So, when there is a shot on the goal, the crowd collectively gasps, or sighs, or groans.* But otherwise the people are FOCUSED, man! On top of that, the ushers all had the opera signs, that say STOP! They hold them up during play. If you have to get up to use the john, you better be prepared to stand when you get back because there is no movement until the whistle blows and play stops.

That said, I’d go back to another game. Preferably one where the ‘Hawks are the pick and the spread is like 4 points. Because the celebration is completely raucous. People are singing, and dancing…and there’s a whole siren situation. Look, I can’t really describe it. Just watch this:







*Almost like watching the Mighty Ducks at the movies!

Week 6 Predictions

I am travelling again, so it is quick picks rather than in-depth picks. But, I figured better quick picks than no picks, amirite?*

Anyhoo, here we go:

New England
Cincy
Cleveland
GB
Minnie
Denver
Baltimore
Tennessee
San Diego
Atlanta (although Chicago should win, I doubt they do)
Arizona
Seattle
Philly
San Francisco

*and my mobile device is being difficult. Grrr

Week 5 Predictions

Chicago v. Carolina: Chicago is coming off a serious loss, and Carolina is playing at home with a tough defense. I'm giving the Panthers the edge.

Houston v. Dallas: JJ Watt is superhuman. Seriously. The man is on fire. And whatever the front office did during the off-season apparently worked. Meanwhile, Tony Romo has been struggling with his back thanks to a January surgery. Anyone that's had back pain will tell you that even after it's fixed you're never quite the same. Whatever crazy steroids and growth hormones the trainers have are going to help, but you need your back to...move. All that to say, I'm going with Houston.

Buffalo v. Detroit: Detroit. Buffalo is still trying to workout the QB switch.

Baltimore v. Indianapolis: Indianapolis. Steve Smith, Sr. has been great. But I think Andrew Luck is going to make it happen.

Pittsburgh v. Jacksonville: Pittsburgh.

Tampa Bay v. New Orleans: NOLA should win. Key word being should.

Atlanta v. New York: New York Giants.

St. Louis v. Philadelphia: I heard an announcer say that Philly has the best offense in the NFL right now. I like McCoy and I like what Foles is doing. So I'll go Philadelphia.

Cleveland v. Tennessee: I'm going with Cleveland; I think the Titans was great for the first game, but that seems to have been an anomaly for the time being.

Arizona v. Denver: Denver is going to take it at home.

New York Jets v. San Diego: San Diego.

Kansas City v. San Francisco: Kansas City. There is drama brewing in San Francisco, and until it's resolved, SF is going to be in deep shi-thangs. Plus, Alex Smith going up against his old team? Heeeelllllll Nnnaawwwww Kansas City ain't losing that game.

Cincinnati v. New England: After that loss? I don't see New England losing again.

Seattle v. Washington: Seattle.

TRTT

As some of you know, I am an employment lawyer. Typically, I negotiate agreements for executives – employment, severance and separation agreements. At times, I’m retained to assist with drafting a response to a performance improvement plan (PIP) or poor performance reviews. Over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that PIPs and bad performance reviews are really just a notice of a termination. If you are ever given a PIP at your job, start dusting off that resume because at the end of it, you’re getting canned. This realization led me to the conclusion that PIPs are…well…BS. Were I to run my own company, I doubt I’d use a PIP. Or if I did, I would use it as it was originally intended – to help someone improve their performance. If I wanted someone gone, I would just say to them:

“Hi. Thanks for coming in today. You no longer work here. You’ll be getting three weeks of pay to help you through the transition. Best of luck.”

I call it, The Real Terminator Technique ©. If ever there was an organization that has embraced the TRTT, it is the NFL. Last night when I went to bed, the Raiders had a head coach. When I woke up six hours later? The Raiders were shopping for a new coach and Dennis Allen was preparing himself for the unemployment line. Grant it, he’s had a horrible record since he was hired – and this year the Raiders started 0-4. But talk about harsh? They kicked him to the curb over the phone, (after coming in from London).* Ouch.



This on the heels of the announcement that Kyle Orton will be starting for the Bills, and EJ Manuel will be getting very familiar with the bench.** EJ takes over bench riding after having an abysmal QB rating in the first three games and having almost as many INTs as TDs. Not quite fired – but just as good as being put on an indefinite time out.

What I’ve noticed over the past 2 years or so, there are no more PIPs and no more poor performance reviews in the NFL. Back in the day, coaches and QBs were generally allowed to finish out the season. Not so much these days. Fans and owners want to see wins. Big wins. There is no more patience, and frankly it looks like there is no more rebuilding years. People want it all NOW. And if you can’t deliver, the NFL is quick to show you the door.

Hey, them’s the breaks. Hopefully these changes will result in a little more parity for the Bills and the Raiders. I doubt it. But maybe…




*Which is lunacy. But that’s a rant for another day.

**Yet another QB falling into the sophomore slump. I just love it when I’m right.

Pumps...and Pigskins

If you've checked out my [new] Instagram account, you'll see that there is a more girly side to pheebee (the Pumps of Pumps & Pigskins, if you will). Well, this weekend, I went to my first NFL regular season game, and I exercised my right to be a chick who love the game. Thanks to CoverGirl's new collection, I was able to do what Tyra Banks would call high editorial makeup along with my hat and t-shirt.*

In case you missed it, CoverGirl launched a look for all 32 teams; helping ladies look like high fashion fans. And y'all? I am ALL the way in. First, it's reminiscent of face painting from the toddling days. Second, it's not unlike when I was a cheerleader back in the day and we'd add sparkles, stars, and Red Raider face paint to support our team (GO BIG RED!!) Last, it's just plain awesomesauce.

Anyway, I was at a game with the Sig-O, and his team was playing some random team unrelated to my conference and any of my rivals. Therefore I wore his team's colors (totally acceptable as long as our teams don't play each other this year AND we are in separate divisions). After several attempts I decided that the Chicago Bears look was the best for my face shape, so I went with that and just altered the colors to NY Giants colors. Tell me...how'd I do?

Original:


Me:


To find your team's look, check out CoverGirl's collection here.

*But no pumps. Who the hell wears heels to a football game?!

Week 4 Predictions

I thought I would have access to a computer today, but alas, I do not. So just a quick list for you. I'll be back live next week!!

Washington

Baltimore

Chicago

Houston

Indy

Detroit

Miami

Pitt

San Diego

ATL

Philly

NOLA

New England

Week 3 Predictions

I knew my TwittPick would be right, I DIDN'T know that it would be such a blowout. I mean, Matty Ice shellacked Lovie's Bucs. It's serious when starters sit at the halftime. Anyway, moving on to this week's picks.

San Diego v. Buffalo: Buffalo. The Bills are 2-0 and are going strong. And they are home. Phillip Rivers and Antonio Gates have found a rhythm, but I'm not sure it's enough against the Bills' defense.

Tennessee v. Cincinnati: Tennessee came out of the gate like spring...in like a lion but out like a lamb. Meanwhile, Cincinnati's backs have been lighting up D-lines the past couple weeks. That said, A.J. Green is injured (although, I think he'll play this week). I'm not sure the Titans' defense is up to the challenge, though. So I'm going for Cincinnati for tomorrow.

Baltimore v. Cleveland: I'm taking Cleveland as my upset pick. They had a huge win last week, and all of the off-the-field shenanigans that are going on has been seeping into the Ravens' daily life. Yesterday there was an emergency meeting, and according to the Twitterverse it involved players as well.

Green Bay v. Detroit: Normally in a rivalry game I'd take the home team. And Megatron is a serious threat against the Packers' sorry defense. That said, something goes haywire whenever Green Bay goes to Detroit and the Lions end up losing. So I'll take Green Bay.

Indianapolis v. Jacksonville: Indy.

Oakland v. New England: New England.

Minnesota v. New Orleans: NOLA. New Orleans coming off a huge loss to the Browns and Minnesota loses AP for the season.

Houston v. New York: Giants get their first win of the season.

Washington v. Philadelphia: Washington. Once again I'd normally take the home team, but this is Desean Jackson's first game against his old team. No matter what he's going to have a huge game. And when Desean Jackson lights it up, he goes HAM.

Dallas v. St. Louis: Dallas.

San Francisco v. Arizona: Arizona. Because the 49ers seem to have lost a little bit of their glossy finish. And, I think Arizona is tired, TIRED, TIRED!!! of being ignored as an elite team in the NFL.

Kansas City v. Miami: KC.

Denver v. Seattle: Denver. In this Super Bowl rematch, I take Denver. Because Peyton won't be taking a dive this time.

Pittsburgh v. Carolina: Carolina...because Pitt's defense isn't what it used to be.

Chicago v. New York: J-E-T-S!

NFL and the Girls, Part 2

Last month, I wrote about the Ray Rice incident, and the complete and total failure on the part of the Commish and the NFL to appropriately handle the situation. And I hoped that would be the last of the clichéd post from a female football blogger. But alas, much like when you hide dirty laundry under the bed, eventually what appeared to be a perfectly lovely bedroom turns into a den of exploded laundry and you can do nothing but take a stilted breath and deal with the mess; such has become the NFL and its domestic violence “policy.”

In case you missed it, TMZ* released the prequel to the video that got Ray Rice suspended for two games. In short, prior to dragging his then-fiancée out of the elevator, Ray punched her in dead in the face like he was facing an opponent in the boxing ring and she was out cold.** After the video was released, the Ravens immediately released Rice, and Commish Goodell took his butt off his shoulders*** and suspended Rice indefinitely. For me, a series of questions followed:

1. Why was two games of punishment sufficient in the first place?
2. Since Goodell is probably lying, why wasn’t this video enough to get Rice fired more permanently?
3. And, what in the hell did Rice say to whitewash the story that was actually believable? (the official word is that Rice didn’t tell the truth and that’s why they were willing to give him another chance).

None of these questions were answered. Natch. But what we do know is that once the proverbial dirty laundry was aired, the NFL took swift action against Rice. But no so much against a 49ers player, Ray McDonald, who was also arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. 49ers CEO says he is going to let due process take its course. Frankly, the lawyer in me is cool with this, since Rice has been arrested, indicted, and entered into a post-arrest program; whereas McDonald has been arrested on suspicions only.

But this isn’t where it stopped. Much like back in 2009 when Tiger Woods was exposed as a serial cheater after one accusation led to what felt like 100 others, the same has happened in the NFL. First, Rice, then McDonald. Then, Adrian Peterson of the Vikings was indicted on charges of child abuse. And now, cover-ups of Brandon Marshall have resurfaced. Mostly, these charges are reflecting less on the players and mostly on the NFL and its blind eye policy to violence against women (and possibly children); and how that contrasts it’s scorn of drug use. As NFL Memes put it:

I’m not surprised by any of this. I’ve been practicing employment law long enough to realize that when the top revenue generators are in trouble, the CEOs/Chairmen/Senior Executives will do anything and everything in their power to keep that top generator making money. In the case of the NFL it’s the starters that are making that money. I’ve got $10 that says if a practice squad guy is arrested for domestic violence, he’d be out on his ass faster than he could say “not guilty.” Instead of surprise, I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated because the sports leagues are some of the only employers that can so strictly limit their employees’ off-duty conduct. The level of control they exert over these guys’ conduct should extend to punching a domestic partner in the face.

I hate to point out that nearly half of the fans are women (and therefore, half of the people with purchasing power of NFL fan items, and half of the people advertisers want to target) because I don’t think that should be part of the conversation. Men should be just as offended by a man who is professionally trained to hit someone hard enough to give that person a concussion is using that might to express anger/control/frustration/prove a point on a person of lesser strength. To give you a better analogy, if Mike Tyson gets into a bar fight, he’s guilty of assault with a weapon, because he’s a professional boxer. Football players may not be trained to land a jab, but they sure as shit know how to knock a 300 lb linebacker on his ass.****

Now, the NFL has (somewhat patronizingly) hired 3 women and promoted a 4th to develop a domestic violence policy. In this case, I’ll say right result for the wrong reasons. I’m hoping that fake claims don’t start coming out of the woodwork, but if this is what it takes to get a change in culture then so be it.

Just my two cents.

*The NSA of celebrities and sports figures

**Interestingly enough, he probably wouldn’t do that in a real game, since it would result in an injection. See: Wilkerson, Muhammad, in Jets vs. Packers just last week.

***Which is the polite, southern lady way of saying he took his head out of his ass

****Recent lack of tackling in Packers, Giants, Bears, and other games of the past two weeks notwithstanding.

Week 2 Predictions

Before I get into this week's picks, a word about my TwittPick. ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR GUT!!!! This is what I get for listening to other people. I knew to pick Baltimore. In a rival game, unless the away team has been in beast mode for several weeks, or the home team is down right terrible, I always pick the home team. Because home field advantage is real. Something like getting yo' ass whooped in front of your kid or a group of friends. It just ain't right.

Anyway, Baltimore won, and I would have been right but for my ridiculous decision to listen to a co-worker and a friend of mine. Note to self: don't ask for their opinions anymore.

Ah well, let's see if I can do any better for this week. Here we go:

Miami v. Buffalo: Both teams are coming off of huge wins last week. But I'm really liking EJ Manuel and Buffalo's defense, so I'll go with Buffalo. To be fair, that's pure speculation.

Detroit v. Carolina: I am calling Detroit, and here's why. Cam Pretty-Boy-Oh-So-Fine Newton was apparently talking mad smack in a press conference earlier this week. He referred to Newton called Ndamukong Suh “Donkey Kong Suh” five times during his press conference.* For those of you keeping track, Suh is a dirty defensive tackle. And near as I can tell, he wears that title as a badge of honor. He gives, ZERO f***s about the fines that the NFL is willing to dole out. In recent memory, he's been tagged for unnecessary roughness, stepping on an opposing player's hand, and an infamous stomp during the Thanksgiving 2011 game against the Packers:



So basically, I hope Cam Newton has some of the best blockers ever to play the game. Otherwise it's going to be a VERY long day for Cam. And Detroit wins without any reference to the Golden Megatron combo.

Atlanta v. Cincinnati: Cincinnati.

New Orleans v. Cleveland: New Orleans. Always bet on Drew Brees.

New England v. Minnesota: New England. Yeah, Minnesota is coming off a huge win...but they're also losing AP to child abuse charges in Texas.** Meanwhile, New England got walloped by Miami last week, and Tom Brady's ego won't let him lose twice.

Arizona v. New York: Arizona could pull this off. New York seems to be mid re-building year, and they've given Eli a whole lot to learn. Plus, we all know that the Giants start show every year.

Dallas v. Tennessee: Tennessee.

Jacksonville v. Washington: Washington.

Seattle v. San Diego: Seattle.

St. Louis v. Tampa Bay: Tampa Bay. Lovie Smith is supposed to be the defense guru, and St. Louis is hurting from losing their QB (again). If you picked up TB's defense in your fantasy league, it might be a good day for you.

Kansas City v. Denver: Denver. I'm not sure bitterness and hate is going to carry KC into another season. But in any event, Peyton is at home.

New York v. Green Bay: Green Bay. The Packers just aren't losing this game at home. #nope.

Houston v. Oakland: Houston.

Chicago v. San Francisco: San Francisco. Cutler makes horrible decisions and SF has a great defense. SF also has a competent QB...so there's that.

Philadelphia v. Indianapolis: Indianapolis. Truthfully? Pure speculation. LeSean McCoy is still Shady McCoy and likely to take off running. But Andrew Luck seems to have some sort of magical ability to win at home.





*FIVE TIMES, B? Really?!!? FIVE???

**side note: What is going on in the NFL? It's only Week 2 and we've had 3 well-known players arrested, plus 2 major positive drug charges. It's going to be The Replacements playing the game pretty soon. Somebody tell Keanu Reaves and Faizon Love to suit up.

Quick Bits: Talking Defense

A reader recently asked me to explain types of defenses. And so, request granted!

Most often, commentators will talk about man-to-man and zone coverage. Basically, man-to-man is when a defensive player is assigned to block (or defend against) a particular player. Zone is when a defensive player is assigned a particular zone. Simple, right?

In man-to-man coverage, the defender's only job is to make sure his assigned man doesn't get the ball (or in the case of an RB, doesn't get anywhere with the ball). The defender is going to stick to that guy like a tween to her HS crush....Following him like a lovesick puppy. Or a pit bull chasing bacon. Either way, in man-to-man coverage, the defender sticks to his, well, man.

In zone coverage, the defender is guarding his "zone" or his fiefdom. The biggest difference is, when a defender is playing zone, it doesn't matter who comes into his fiefdom, that joker is getting laid out if he's got the ball. (At least, that's the plan if it is effective zone coverage). Interesting fact: according to www.dummies.com (yes, I scour other sources so you don't have to!!) an easy way to identify zone coverage is when more than two defenders drop deep into the secondary.*

Now, within each of these, there are even more subtypes of the defenses: 3-4 Defense, Cover 2, Nickel, and so on. But that's more detail for a different day. Can you spot both of these this week? Let's call that a project for Week 2.

*so basically, they line up like a guy is at home plate during the kickball game rather than a girl. Did this bug anyone else in elementary school? No? Just me then.

Week 1 Predictions

It’s time for the first picks of the year! And no, I don’t want to talk about last night’s game, thank you. Let’s just get down to it, shall we?

New Orleans v. Atlanta: This is always a tough rivalry, but the Saints seem to best the Falcons every. single. time. Even though New Orleans is travelling, I’m still going with the Saints. And it has nothing to do with my secret love of NOLA. Who dat?!

Cincinnati v. Baltimore: With Ray Rice suspended, and Joe Flacco still being the most overpaid QB in the league, I would say Cincinnati stands a chance. But I couldn’t begin to tell you how the team has gelled at this point. So, I’m going to give it to Baltimore.

Buffalo v. Chicago: Chicago’s home field advantage is strong, but Buffalo had a strong start last year. Unfortunately, this is E.J. Manuel’s second year, and therefore he’s primed for a sophomore slump. The word on the street is that the Bills have a decent defense, but I don’t think there will be enough oompf there to carry Buffalo past Chicago.

Washington v. Houston: Listen, RGIII is going to shake off his sophomore slump, and hopefully has built a rapport with [one of my fantasy receivers] DeSean Jackson. Jackson is one quick-as-lightning sonuvagun, but as with any relationship QB to WR rapport takes time to build. In any event, we learned last year that JJ Watt can’t carry the Texans on his back. The Texans have a new QB and a disastrous last season. They’ve got enough to overcome without the pesky distraction of winning the first game of the season. I’m going Washington on the road.

Tennessee v. Kansas City: Let’s see if bitterness and hate can get it done another year! Go KC!

New England v. Miami: New England. Tom Brady, all day, every day.

Oakland v. NY Jets: J-E-T-S…hey, if the fans can get excited, why shouldn’t I? Also, Oakland just seems to be a motley crue of football player emeriti. It’s where players go when they aren’t quite ready to retire, but have been placed by someone newer, younger, and prettier.

Jacksonville v. Philly: Really?

Cleveland v. Pittsburgh: In a tough rivalry, it’s generally a good move to go with the home team. Pittsburgh.

Minnesota v. St. Louis: I would have picked St. Louis, except Sam Bradford is out. Again. So, I’m going with Minnesota. Perhaps AP is fired up again this year.

San Francisco v. Dallas: San Francisco.

Carolina v. Tampa Bay: I would pick Carolina, but it’s totally dependent on Cam Newton. Plus Lovie Smith is back and he’s huge on defense. Even if Cam is playing, I’m not sure he’ll be getting too much work in. I’m going Tampa Bay.

Indianapolis v. Denver: My co-worker told me it was going to be the Reggie Wayne show on Sunday night. But, this is a much hyped rematch, and Peyton lost last time. Plus, this is at Denver. I’ll go with Peyton at home.

New York Giants v. Detroit: Detroit should win this game. But they probably won’t, because they never win games they should. Even though they’ve got Golden Tate and Megatron to split up the entire secondary of the Giants…and yet.... New York Giants.

San Diego v. Arizona: Arizona.

Football Eve!

It’s Football Eve!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not unlike the first day of school, there is a lot to be excited for. New rookies to watch for, 2nd year slumps to bet on, and just seeing how your team’s draft picks panned out. As is always my prediction, the first round draft picks are going to be huge disappointments (looking at you Johnny Manziel).

As is no secret, I’m a Packers fan, so I am one of the lucky fans who will be watching my own team for the NFL opening game on Thursday. The Packers drafted Ha Ha Clinton-Dix in the first round, and I’m excited to see what he can do for our ailing secondary. (And hoping he'll beat the odds of being a disappointing draft pick). I’m also interested to find out if Dom Capers is really trying to keep his job.**

One fact they may keep non-Packers and non-Seahawks fans interested in this game is that it is the first time the Packers have returned to Seattle since the Touchception Tragedy. Grant it, the super wack call brought the refs back to the game. But all at the expense of the Packers win. If you ask most Packers fans, that “call” still stings. To be fair, if the Packers had been winning in the first place, they wouldn’t have been in a position to lose the game based on one bad call in the first place.

Back to tomorrow's game....Seattle isn’t going to get any easier to play in, and if they truly are as good as they appeared at the Super Bowl, they are tough contenders. Currently they have a Power Ranking of #1. Interestingly enough, the Packers are ranked #4. If those rankings translate to the field, that means it’s going to be a tough game. Check out Twitter for my twit-pick tomorrow!


**Seriously, where was the defense last season?

Who's your first round pick?

In the quest for the best. fantasy team. EVAHHHHHH. There is a question that every fantasy team manager must ask themselves: do I draft a QB or a RB first?

Both positions are pretty solid choices. Both quarterbacks and running backs are solid points-horses. Unless you happen to draft Tim Tebow or Johnny Manziel, your QB is going to be playing every game and is going to get you points either in yardage or scoring plays all game. On the other hand, if you pick a superstar running back such as Eddie Lacy, Adrian Peterson, or Arian Foster you've got a good shot of a player working hard to help you win. So who do you go with?

On the quarterback side, there are a limited number of great QBs in the league. There are those that are suffering from the sophomore slump (you may remember my post about Cam and RGIII last year) Plus, not every QB is going to throw a bomb down the field every single game like Aaron Rodgers and Peyton Manning. Some may have a receiver who couldn't catch a fish in a barrel, let alone a football hurtling down the field. If that's the case, they're handing it off to the running back. Which means a lot fewer yards and for you, fewer points. So it may behoove you to grab the QB you want early. But, depending on how many teams are in your league, and the number of QBs you truly like, perhaps you've got enough QBs to spare so you can wait until another round to get the guy you want.

On the side of the running back, just like with QBs, there's a limited number. I'd even suggest that the number of running backs who are likely to score big for you are even less than QBs. The beauty about running backs is they have the potential to grab a ton of yardage, as well as make a way into the end zone. Furthermore, the RB doesn't have to rely on another person to grab that yardage*....unlike a QB who generally needs a receiver to catch the ball.**

So, if it's my team, I'm probably choosing the RB in my first round, and the QB in the second. But your absolute best bet is to keep track of who has been picked and who is left, and make a game time decision as your turn comes. You've got to read what everyone else is doing and pay attention, so you can make the best pick for your team.

Good luck and happy drafting!




*blockers notwithstanding

**Yes, I know. Michael Vick, RGIII, Colin Kaepernick, blah blah blah.

Pigskin Polygamists

In case you haven't heard, Johnny Football (or, as he's more fondly known in my house, Johnny Benched-Ass) was drafted by the Cleveland Browns. And he's already making waves. First, by bringing his ridiculous celebration to the Rock & Roll city*:

But also by getting fined by the NFL for flipping off the Redskins bench. (hehehehehehehe). Anyway, despite the off-field shenanigans, he's been getting schooled on the field. And learning (the hard way) that getting pummeled by grown-ass men is not the same as beating college kids at a bowl game.

So, for now, Browns coach Mike Pettine is going with QB Hoyer as the starter for week one. But, he doesn't seem to want to commit. He's already saying that the Browns may be following the doomed path of switching to a 2-QB system. Which begs the question: has that system EVER worked? I mean seriously, is Pettine new to the game of football? Polygamy has no place in the NFL.

In the last few years, there have been a couple teams that have tried this ill-fated system. The Eagles, the 49ers, the Jets, and now the Browns.

First, the Eagles started with Michael Vick and Nick Foles. Unable to make a decision, they both ended up alternating. That is, until the chips were down and Kelly had to decide which QB would lead the team. Ultimately, all the Eagles ended up with were broken dreams and lost games. Then, there was the dirty play by San Francisco to move from Alex Smith to Kap. Albeit a slightly different situation -- Smith was hurt in a game and Kap was sent in. But apparently the coaching staff liked Kap's moves, because they slowly changed to a 2-QB system on Smith's return. Which was a polite way of saying Smith was being down-sized. (It didn't turn out all bad for everyone. Seems like KC should be thanking their lucky stars for the 49ers slap in the face to Alex Smith, because bitterness and hate drove Alex Smith to lead the Chiefs to a great playoff run last year.) Then, the Jets, with Mark Sanchez and Tebow. And again, the Jets with Mark Sanchez and Geno Smith. Ok....maybe the Jets didn't have a 2-QB system, so much as a can't break up with their should be ex, system.

Now, the Browns are going to join the cult of Pigskin Polygamists. I hope they don't follow in the slow, plodding footsteps of other teams with this ill-conceived notion. But, on the other hand, it'll be nice to see Johnny "Please Wipe That Dumb Smirk Off Your Face" Football get knocked down a peg. Where is Kevin Costner when you need him?!**



*word not the street is he got the idea from Drake -- he's sprinkling seasoning on the other team.


**If you missed this reference, go rent Draft Day. Immediately.

NFL and the Girls

Around this time last year, I was ranting writing about how women are largely ignored by the NFL. Statistics I’ve seen show that women make up 45% of football fans, but are nevertheless generally ignored – other than as arm candy for the big manly men who have to dumb the game down for our pretty little heads. Well, evidently, the NFL was listening to the millions of girly fans out there, because last year they began a huge marketing push to try to get the girls. Starting with holding an event right before New York’s Fashion Week (including models of all ages and sizes, which is more than I can say for most designers*) and also selling gear other than the standard thong + logo shenanigans.** AND the commercial they ran to advertise the gear was amazing (check it out here).

So, I wonder if everyone in the NFL’s PR and Marketing department has signed the petition to have Goodell fired. In case you missed it, Ray Rice, running back for the Baltimore Ravens, was involved in a little bit of a kerfuffle. And by that, I mean he was caught on video dragging his unconscious girlfriend out of an elevator – after he allegedly knocked her out. So what does this have to do with Goodell and the NFL as a whole? Well, because of the punishment Rice received from the NFL. He got a suspension. Good. That’s what happens to players who break the law. And his suspension was? Shorter than the guy who was caught with marijuana in his system. Shorter than the coaches and players involved in Bounty-Gate. Shorter than a player who punched another player during a game. Rice was suspended for a WHOPPING TWO GAMES!!! Say what?!?!

A lot of women are crying foul. Saying that the NFL is basically showing women everywhere that domestic violence isn’t really a big deal. That as long as the player is producing, you’d better just duck and dodge this grown man’s swinging arms. I’m not saying I disagree with these women, but that discussion has been had more eloquently elsewhere on the interwebs. But, what I’m more curious about is how this effects the greater scheme of things. First, I have heard about zero people (men or women) saying that they won’t watch the game anymore.*** (To be fair, it’d be difficult to be angry if the Ravens aren’t your team. How much control does the, say, Raiders organization have over what happens to a Ravens’ player?). Second, Goodell has a history of some messed up punishments. Why aren’t there rules or guidelines for how long suspensions should be? How can anyone be certain that the punishments being handed out fit the actual crime committed?

For me, I’ve seen my favorite organization kick a player off the team for accusations of misconduct. So, it’ll be difficult for me to justify boycotting the entire league over Goodell’s apparent mismanagement. If I was a Ravens fan, I’d probably be switching my team colors in a matter of seconds. The good news is that the NFL is apparently re-evaluating its stance on domestic violence: http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/11357684/nfl-planning-toughen-standards-cases-domestic-violence-according-source. Hopefully we see changes asaptually.

So, what say you? Will you continue to watch or are you just sitting on ice until hockey season? (HA! See what I did there?)



*looking at you Karl Lagerfeld

**because my lady bits need to show some team pride, too.

***At least I've not heard of anyone personally. There was an article recently about Maine's governor, however: http://nesn.com/2014/08/maine-governor-threatens-nfl-boycott-over-ray-rice-suspension/

Tutorial: What's a Tight End?

Okay, other than what made Jen Selter "famous", a tight end is an increasingly important position in the game.

To paraphrase the NFL's definition of a TE: a tight end is both an eligible receiver and a blocker. “This position combines the attributes of receivers and lineman and will block during a running play or run a route during a passing play.” Tip: sometimes referred to as a Slot Receiver.

So basically, this is a player who is nimble enough to bob and weave, but big enough to knock a defensive player on his keister. Check and check.

How can you tell if a player is a tight end or a receiver? Well, he’s generally a tall and strong guy who you may also see running a route. They share numbers with wide receivers, so you’ll look for numbers beginning with 1, 4, or 8. It's the guy on the field that my tall homegirls will want to reserve for themselves, but only if they're the sort of chick that likes to get tossed around before making whoopee. On the field, he's the guy that's going to be the lover (catching the beloved pigskin) and the fighter (knocking a defensive lineman on his ass when he's in protection mode).

Notable tight ends for this year (in no particular order):
Jimmy Graham*
Vernon Davis
Rob Gronkowski
Julius Thomas

Tight ends are bound to be a hot position this year, with Tony Gonzalez** setting the standard for what a TE should be doing over his illustrious career; and Julius Thomas and Rob Gronkowski just going HAM last year. Choose wisely in your fantasy leagues this year...you never know when this hybrid position is going to join the elite points-horses we all know and love.






*Yes, officially. There was a whole thing. Check the explanation here.

**Or as I like to call him, Sex on a Stick.

Back on the Field

I grab the remote and turn to my favorite station. I find myself getting excited just thinking about what’s coming. The muscular sweaty guys. The action on the screen. Yelling directions out: “Go left!” “Go right!” “Now drive it in!!!” The expletives you can hear coming from my living room. Yes…it’s just about that time…FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!!*

I love summer just as much as the next gal, but football only comes for 16 weeks, so you gotta be pumped even though it signifies the end of long days and warm weather. That is, if you live in a cold weather state. If you don’t, well, your allegiance to football probably isn’t as strong. But that’s okay. (Yes, I know the Saints, 49ers and Cowboys have some serious fandom. I said *probably* not as strong, okay?). And first person to point out the Atlanta Falcons gets mollywopped. I’ve never seen such fairweather fans!

Anyway, I know it’s pre-season, and it’s hard to care. Summer is still here and it’s hard to focus. But, we can use these weeks to learn a little bit more about the game, and see what’s cooking with the rookies that were drafted just a few months ago. I have a friend who loves pre-season. He says that’s when people are playing for their jobs and are going to go the hardest. I can respect that view. But your girl’s gotta get her outdoor-life on before the Polar Vortex makes a return. So, I can’t promise I’ll be watching every game. The games I do watch, I’ll be looking to learn more about zone defenses and the difference between a tight end and a wide receiver. (Hey, if Jimmy Graham needed to appeal the title, then maybe it’s more important than we think.) I may also try to figure out just why Johnny “Football” Manziel was so thirsty on Draft Day.**

Stay tuned -- it's about time we get back to the gridiron.

*What the deuce did you think I was talking about? Perverts.

**Not really. I’m already tired of that guy and think he deserves a well-placed punch in the face. Amirite?

Super Bowl!!!!!

It's that bittersweet time of year. All of the hard work of the season and the post-season have led to this. The big game. The Super Bowl. So awesome to see the best of the best (or the luckiest of the luckiest) take each other on. On the downside ---- what are we going to do after church on Sundays now?!?!

In any event, if you'd asked me last year whether I thought the Seahawks were going to make it to the Super Bowl, I would have answered with an emphatic HELL NAW!!!! Mostly because I didn't believe that Seattle could win enough games on the road. They're all but unbeatable at home with the legendary 12th man. But when they didn't have fanatics screaming at the top of their lungs, well....[trails off]. But this year, the Seahawks seem to have won just enough games to shut their critics up. Or quiet them at least.

Meanwhile, the Broncos have been putting on a Broncomania show for the entire season. Peyton to, well, pretty much anyone in orange and blue for touchdowns. The kicker, defense, and special teams have all been clicking as well. But, let's be real. Peyton has had his moments of questionable behavior leading to some losses that should have been wins.

So who is going to win today? In my opinion, the Broncos. I just haven't bought in to the Seahawks when they are on the road. And MetLife Stadium isn't going to come with a 12th man. Plus, I don't know much about the Seahawks' secondary (outside of Richard Sherman*). I doubt they have enough manpower to completely shut down all of Peyton's weapons.

Plus, Madden picked the Broncos to win. And they've been right almost every year...who am I to disagree?!






*Side note? Am I the only one who is wondering why there was so much controversy surrounding his comments after the NFC Championship? Really?! Why was it worth talking about after 5 minutes had passed?

Divisional Playoffs Predictions

I admit it. I was ALLLL wrong last week. But, I'm going to forge ahead with picks anyway. Plus, I was totally right yesterday! (I picked the Seahawks and the Patriots -- but they were obvious picks).

Okay, for today, I pick Carolina -- they beat the 49ers once, and they have a defensive player that is 4th in the league with 15 sacks on the season. On the AFC side, I am riding with the Broncos. The Broncos are at home, and Rivers just isn't leading the Bolts anywhere that involves getting past the Broncos.

We'll see if today goes any better than last week. Let's get to the gridiron!

Playoff Day 2!

Ok, I sort of lost track of time. But, I will slide into the door here:

Chargers vs. Bengals: Bengals.

San Francisco vs. Green Bay: Green Bay, baby!


Turns out, I was wrong about New Orleans. But the upside is, with the New Orleans win, that means my boys in Green Bay will be headed to Carolina instead of Seattle if we win. So, I'm good with being wrong on that one!

Playoffs!

KC vs. Indy and New Orleans v. Philly. Who do I pick?

Kansas City has already lost to Indianapolis, but I hope that the bitterness and hate pulls then through on this game. New Orleans has lost every road playoff game of the last five...given that they are travelling to the cold north, I expect this game will be #6.