Week 17 Predictions

Well, it's nearly the end. There comes a time when all good things must come to an end. And Sunday will be the last games of the regular season. In recent years, the NFL has designed the schedule to end with as much drama as possible...generally scheduling inter-conference games for the last week of the season. Why is this important? Because a lot of these games will decide who gets into the playoffs and which don't. In short, win, or go home. So, who's winning and getting in? Let's get to the gridiron:

Browns v. Steelers: Steelers. Last week, the Steelers needed the Ravens to lose, and the Dolphins to lose, along with the Chargers to lose at least one game. Plus, they need to win their game against the Packers and the Jets to win. And for good measure, they needed it to be at least 65 degrees in Philadelphia. Well, the Steelers got a Christmas miracle last year, because the Dolphins and the Ravens both lost, It was 70 degrees in Philly during the Eagles' slaughter of the Bears, and the Steelers beat the Packers in Green Bay. That said, I can't imagine that they'll waste this miracle. They'll win against the Browns.

Washington v. Giants: Giants. With RGIII sitting out the rest of the season, Washington has little to play for. Meanwhile, the Giants may see their coach retire -- no better way send-off than with a win.

Ravens v. Bengals: Bengals.

Texans v. Titans: Titans.

Jaguars v. Colts: Colts.

Jets v. Dolphins: Dolphins. The Jets and the Dolphins have already met, and the Dolphins dominated in New York. No reason why they can't maintain that domination at home.

Lions v. Vikings: Vikings. I get the sense that the Lions have given up. And the Vikings have been spoilers for a lot of teams. Plus, I just heard that this is the final game in the Metrodome. Yup, the Vikings could pull this off.

Panthers v. Falcons: Panthers. As much as I'd like Tony Gonzalez to go out on a win, I'm not sure that the Panthers will let that happen. This isn't to say that it will be an easy game -- despite the Falcons' abysmal record, the Georgia Dome is still a tough place to play.

Buccaneers v. Saints: Saints.

Bills v. Patriots: Patriots.

Rams v. Seahawks: Seahawks. The Seahawks are at home, after all.

Packers v. Bears: Packers. The winner of this game goes to the playoffs to represent the NFC North. For these two teams, the playoffs start on Sunday.

49ers v. Cardinals: Cardinals. Tough call, but I think the 49ers could win...assuming they're throwing and Vernon Davis is on his game (and all the starters are IN the game, for that matter). But, the Cardinals do have the #1 ranked run defense, after all. Plus, the 49ers are already in the playoffs, and the Cardinals can get in if the Saints lose and they win. The Cardinals have a lot more to play for.

Broncos v. Raiders: Broncos.

Chiefs v. Chargers: Chargers.

Eagles v. Cowboys: Eagles. In another win or go home scenario, this game will decide who wins the NFC East. Buuuut, both teams are playing with backup QBs. The difference is, Nick Foles has been on fire, throwing with laser precision (and no INTs). This isn't Kyle Orton's first time to the rodeo in the league, but the Eagles' defense is pretty likely to stop him cold.

Week 16 Predictions -- Down to the Wire

We are getting down to the wire for teams to get into the playoffs. There are a few who have been knocked out and have no shot (for example: Rams, Vikings, Falcons, Jaguars, Texans) and some who have already clinched (Seahawks, Chiefs, Colts, Broncos). But that leaves a lot of slots open. There are seven teams still in the hunt, some in control of their own destiny, and some who will be waiting with bated breath to see what their division rivals will do. Looks like we'll be taking this thing right down to Week 17 this year. But for now, here are my picks:

Miami v. Buffalo: Miami. This is one of those situations where one team is already out, and the other is still in the hunt. In theory, Buffalo could just be operating as a spoiler (the way the Vikings have the past few weeks), but I don't think they've got the chops or the desire. Meanwhile, Miami's chances of getting in the playoffs will die if they don't win.

New Orleans v. Carolina: Carolina. Carolina is at home, and fighting to show that they are the winners of the NFC South. I expect it will be an interesting game.

Minnesota v. Cincinnati: Minnesota. Call me crazy, but I am starting to think that the Vikings are getting their kicks out of spoiling it for other teams.

Denver v. Houston: Denver.

Tennessee v. Jax: Tennessee.

Indianapolis v. Kansas City. Kansas City. KC is at home, and trying to knock Denver out of the top spot. Both of these teams are going, now we're just playing for the bye and for home field advantage. But, bitterness and hate will win out.

Cleveland v. New York Jets. Cleveland. Geno Smith seems to have entered into his sophomore slump a year early.

Tampa Bay v. St. Louis: Tampa Bay.

Dallas v. Washington: Dallas. This is a hard pick, because Dallas has a tendency to choke. But, evidently Washington has already given up. So Dallas it is.

New York Giants v. Detroit: Detroit. Even though Detroit was headed to the playoffs as winner of the NFC North, they are now going to have to win AND see the Bears and the Packers lose. This isn't going to be the game in which they dig their own grave, however.

Arizona v. Seattle: Seattle.

New England v. Baltimore: Baltimore.

Pittsburgh v. Green Bay: Green Bay. If you haven't heard, the Packers have transformed into a second half team. So you may want to wait until half time to tune in.

Oakland v. San Diego: San Diego.

Chicago v. Philadelphia: Chicago. Unless the weather is madness, then the winner will be whichever players are able to see in the middle of a blizzard.

Atlanta v. San Francisco: San Francisco.

The Wild Wild West of the NFC North

For the past couple years, the NFC North has been pandemonium. In my opinion, it all started with the 2010 NFC North Championship. As a reminder, that's the year when Green Bay played Chicago in Chicago.* That year, the Bears went 11-5 and the Packers went 10-6 with the Lions and Vikings having losing seasons.

The 2011 season, we saw a shift in position:
Packers went 15-1
Lions took 2nd at 10-6
Bears 8-8
Vikings 3-13.

The 2012 season brought yet another jockeying for position:
Packers: 11-5
Vikings: 10-6
Bears: 10-6
Lions: 4-12

This year is no different. Before last week, the Lions looked like they were going to take the NFC North, with the Bears nipping at their heels, the Packers in 3rd, and the Vikings dying with a losing record. But after two games the Lions the Lions are no longer in first, and the Bears are only half a game ahead of the Packers (the Vikings are still losing). If either the Packers or the Bears win out (meaning, one has to beat the other in the last game of the season) then they will win the NFC North.

Frankly, I just can't decide if winning the division will be a theft or the price of parity. To be on top for so long, and then to fall from grace just seems unjust for the Lions. On the other hand, it's their own damn fault for losing to a team that scored no touchdowns. We'll see what happens.

At the end of the day, it's really of no import who represents the NFC North. Or the NFC East for that matter. Mark my words, the NFC Championship game will comprise of teams from the NFC South and/or the NFC West. With the way they are playing, it may very well be an inter-divisional rivalry between the 49ers and the Seahawks.




*Incidentally, the first time the two have ever played in a championship game.

Week 15 Predictions

Redskins v. Falcons: As we talked about earlier this week, RGIII will be watching this game from the sideline. Is Washington giving up on the season? Are they strategizing for the next season?

49ers v. Buccaneers: 49ers.

Seahawks v. Giants: Giants. I don't know why...but I've got a feeling. Also, I really don't believe in the Seahawks on the road.

Eagles v. Vikings: Vikings. I have a sneaking suspicion that the Vikings are going to continue their campaign of spoilers.

Patriots v. Dolphins: Patriots.

Bills v. Jaguars: Jaguars. This game will be a bit like watching a high school game, but it may be a bit entertaining.

Texans v. Colts: Colts.

Bears v. Browns: Browns. What I love about this game is that Bears fans are already psyching themselves out. Announcers are saying that the Bears have very clearly given up on the season, proven by the fact that they are sitting their perfectly good QB and put in Jay Cutler.

Chiefs v. Raiders: Chiefs. Why yes, the bitterness and hate is going to be enough to get them through this game. The more the Chiefs win, the farther they will go in the post-season.

Jets v. Panthers: Panthers. Cam Newton may take those boys into a wild card spot.

Packers v. Cowboys: Packers. Let's go Pack!

Cardinals v. Titans: Cardinals.

Saints v. Rams: Saints.

Bengals v. Steelers: Bengals.

Ravens v. Lions: Ravens. At least I hope so. If the Lions keep losing and the Packers keep winning, the Packers may actually take the NFC North.

RG Maybe Year III will be better???

Today I got an alert from NFL Mobile -- RGIII is out for the season. In his words, "Coaches decided to shut me down for rest of season. Rex Grossman* will back up Kirk Cousins as quarterback." Talk about a bad day.

Remember when I was talking about the Sophomore Slump? Well, it would appear that Mr. Griffin is suffering from the mother of all sophomore slumps, wouldn't it?

There are people who would say the downward spiral all began during last season's playoffs, when he busted his knee, taking him out for the rest of the playoffs and dashing the hopes of Washington fans everywhere. Others would blame the problems on the coaches, and medical staff allowing him to come back too soon. Possibly it's just a curse for the horrible team name that came under fire early this year. We may never really know what caused it, but I would hazard a guess that the sophomore slump is a solid part of the problem.

But here's my question...no one has confirmed that this demotion isn't at least partially due to Washington's abysmal 3-10 record and RGIII's less-than-amazing play. The official reason is that he is being benched for his health. Does anyone else find it suspicious that he's being benched for his health at the END of the season as opposed to the BEGINNING? Why would a player need to be benched after he's spent the last 14 weeks cutting and running on a tender knee? Isn't that something that would need to be done -- the resting and the easing into routine, that is -- early on in the recovery process?

My next question is, will RGIII be able to recover from being benched? Let's remember what happened with Josh Freeman. Suddenly benched under suspicious circumstances, no official comment, and then BOOM traded to a different team. Ooooh wait, there's also Alex Smith. So, then again, perhaps RGIII will find himself in the playoffs with a new team. Bitterness and hate being the basis of that winning streak.

Washington definitely won't be making a repeat appearance in the post-season. But maybe this will prove an interesting off season.




*Yes, that Rex. Sexy Rexy rides again!

Week 14 Predictions

I just can't believe I was right about Thursday's pick. The Jags beat the Texans by 7. Oh Houston, what happened?! Anyway, it's getting down to the wire for teams to make it into the playoffs. My guess? My boys from Green Bay won't be in it. But I get a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that the Bears won't be in it either. :) So, let's get to the gridiron...

Colts v. Bengals: Colts.

Browns v. Patriots: Patriots. I said it once, I'll say it again. Never pick against Tom Brady.

Raiders v. Jets: Raiders. This will be the battle of teams that had hope and surprisingly badass quarterbacks at the beginning of the season, and then fell off somewhere in week 10.

Chiefs v. Washington: Chiefs. Media darling RGIII just isn't the same miracle worker. His sophomore slump is really showing. It's hard to say whether it's him, or the team that's around him. Proving once again that year 2 is a bitch for QBs.

Vikings v. Ravens: Vikings. I don't necessarily believe that the Vikings will win. But the last couple weeks, the Vikings have just been spoilers. It's as though AP and company are playing for nothing but to spoil other teams' playoff chances. HA.

Falcons v. Packers: Packers. Sure, Aaron Rodgers will still be on the sideline. But the Packers are home, and the Falcons seem to have fallen apart. I think they've been hit with the same curse as the Texans.

Bills v. Buccaneers: Bills. The Buccaneers playoff chances are dead. The Bills still have a tiny ounce of hope. That may be just enough to give Buffalo the edge.

Dolphins v. Steelers: Steelers. This is a tough pick. The Steelers just aren't what they used to be. But they are at home, and maybe Mike Tomlin is a little bitter that he got busted trying to trip Jacoby Jones with a two step. A win would go a long way to making him feel better, right? I don't know about $100,000 better, but you know, better.

Lions v. Eagles: Lions.

Titans v. Broncos: Broncos.

Rams v. Cardinals: Cardinals. Until last week, the Cardinals weren't even on my radar. But this sleeper team is fighting for a playoff spot and being in 8th place, it's still a very real possibility.

Seahawks v. 49ers: 49ers. I suspect they want revenge for that butt-kicking they got up in Seattle earlier this year.

Giants v. Chargers: Chargers. Although San Diego often finds a way to lose, and the Giants are super streak-y, I still say the Chargers take it at home.*

Panthers v. Saints: Saints. Sexy sexy Cam Newton is leading Carolina into a wild card spot -- unless they take over the Saints as head of the NFC South. This game should be a good one to watch.

Cowboys v. Bears: Cowboys. Look, admittedly Tony Romo has a reputation for choking. But the Bears team is full of injuries. So I go with who Special Correspondent Jillian calls the "guys in the white hats".





*Despite the fact that everything I wrote implies I should go with the Giants, doesn't it?

Thanksgiving Day

I was hoping to spend today basking in the joy of Thanksgiving leftovers and the Packers taking first in the NFC North. Guess who isn't basking? On this, the 75th Thanksgiving Day game of the Packers and Lions, the Packers fell 40-10 in Detroit. Grant it, we have an injury list that looks more like our first string roster than our starting roster, but as James Jones said yesterday, that's really no excuse. Everyone has a job to do...ahem...rant over.

I am fortunate enough that in my family, the older generation still does all of the cooking on holidays, so no one expects me to bust a move in the kitchen just because I'm a girl. Giving me plenty of opportunity to slip away and watch the game. (Grant it, this year there was really no need). I have another friend who married into one of those twilight zone families where it's actually all the men who do the cooking (and she doesn't even take advantage of it by watching football! What?!). Now, if you are a girl, and you are not so fortunate, here are my top tips for getting out of the kitchen and onto the couch where you belong.

1. Offer to bring something. Make or purchase it the night before. Drop it off in the kitchen and then proceed to the couch.

2. Claim butterfingers. Tell the story of how you once were helping out during a family barbecue. You were in charge of slicing up the brisket. Somehow -- something you have yet to figure out after all these years -- the knife slipped and you ended up slicing open your [hand, finger, forearm] and bleeding all over the brisket. You'd hate to have history repeat itself, so you'd better stay out of the kitchen. Showing a gnarly scar would be an excellent way to make the story come alive. I suggest pointing to the scar you gave yourself when pulling a frozen pizza out of the oven.

3. Admit that you can't cook. Tell everyone that your culinary skills so bad that everyone would have to spit it out in a napkin and that would just be a waste of food. Although in this instance, you may not want to say "culinary." Only people with some modicum of culinary skills would call them culinary skills.

4. Try the old "oh, y'all look like you've got this down to a rhythm! I am just going to get out of your way!" trick. It's a risky move...someone may collar you right as you try to make the getaway and you're stuck with a potato masher, taking your frustrations out on some helpless potato and missing David Akers miss a field goal after being iced for the first time in a decade. But if you're sly like the jungle cat, this approach just may work.

5. Arrive to dinner very very late. You know, right before it's time to set the table. And then, graciously offer to set the table because you were so late (during halftime, natch).

Thanksgiving may be over, but remember these tips. They are sure to come in handy for holidays to come!

Week 12 Picks

It's time to start thinking about the playoffs. Can you believe that? It's week 12 already! I guess it's to be expected, Thanksgiving and the winter holidays are right around the corner. It's been a great season, filled with a lot of drama. And the fact that my picks could be blown up on any given Sunday just shows us that there really is parity. Love it. But enough chit chat. Let's get to the picks.

Buccaneers v. Lions: Lions.

Vikings v. Packers: Packers. Both these teams are struggling in the quarterback position. While the Vikings' season may be unsalvageable* the Packers are still in the hunt for a wild card spot. Not to mention, they way the Lions, Packers, and Bears** have been jostling for first place, if the football gods are smiling the boys in green and gold could actually take first place. Go Pack Go!! ****Update: Special Correspondent Jillian says that the Packers may be in trouble because the Vikings "don't play kind". I hope she's wrong!

Jaguars v. Texans: Oh Texans. What happened to you? This should be a sure thing, but given your past history...well...

Chargers v. Chiefs: Chiefs. So, the final undefeated team has fallen. But I say they win this game.

Panthers v. Dolphins: Panthers. Okay, where did these Panthers come from? Looks like Cam Newton put his Superman shirt back on because they have been rolling. They just may be playoffs bound!

Steelers v. Browns: A bitter rivalry game. I am going to go with the Browns.

Bears v. Rams: With much trepidation and bitterness, I choose the Bears.

Jets v. Ravens: Jets.

Titans v. Raiders: Titans.

Colts v. Cardinals: Colts.

Cowboys v. Giants: Giants. This is a HUGE game. If the Giants win, they will share the same record as the Cowboys (currently in first place in the NFC East). Tons of drama. If your game isn't on at noon, watch this one!

Broncos v. Patriots: Broncos.

49ers v. Washington: I really want Washington to win; but it's probably going to be the 49ers.



*and by that I mean, they have a snowball's chance in hell of making the playoffs

**oh my! (cheesy pun alert)

Week 11 - quick picks!

I am soon to be on a plane, so these are just picks, nothing more and nothing less. Shout out to my good friend Michelle who was just married...one of the few events worthy of missing football. :)

And now, for Week 11:

Packers

Jets

Ravens

Bengals

Raiders: ***update: the zippy QB for the Raiders is out for this game. Taking the Texans may be a better bet. ***

Cardinals

Lions

Buccaneers (or really, the Falcons' opponent)

Chargers

Saints (who dat?!)

Seahawks

Broncos (THIS, should be a good game. Even if they did bump my Packers to put it at night. The Chiefs bump the Pack and the Giants! Who would have guessed?!)

Panthers (against Tom Brady. Really, pheebee?! Yes really. I'm feeling bold. And Cam Newton is hot.)

Week 10 Predictions

Darn the Vikings! First, they screwed my picks, and second, they are trying to make an already too-interesting NFC North more interesting. Boo hiss boo to that.

My week 10 picks are late, blame it on the plague that my colleague visited on my office. I've been operating under a haze of NyQuil for four days. At any rate, I am dedicated to y'all, readers. So, I am writing this, even S I'm supposed to be paying attention to pastor's sermon. These picks are either going to be blessed, or cursed. Take that as you will....

Eagles v. Packers: Packers. (Please Lord, let it be the Packers).

Jaguars v. Titans: Titans.

Bills v. Steelers: Bills. Why not? They may be a great upset.

Raiders v. Giants: Giants are home, and are hitting that part of the season where they decide to start winning. Let's see if they finally get it together.

Rams v. Colts: Colts.

Seahawks v. Falcons: Seahawks. You already know what I think about the Seahawks on the road...but the Falcons are just some pitiful birdies this year. ***Update*** I've just seen on CBS NFL Today that the Falcons have won 4 straight against the Seahawks. I am hereby changing my pick. Let's go Falcons!

Bengals v. Ravens: Bengals.

Lions v. Bears: Lions. (Sending up a silent prayer for the Lions.)

Panthers v. 49ers: 49ers.

Texans v. Cardinals: Texans.

Broncos v. Chargers: Broncos.

Cowboys v. Saints: Saints. When in doubt, go with Drew Brees.

Dolphins v. Buccaneers: How does a girl choose? Talk about teams that are a mess. I m going with Buccaneers, they have been dealing with their shenanigans longer, whereas the Dolphins' turmoil is recent.

Injured reserve

Is it just me, or is every team suffering crazy injuries this year? The Packers first string seems to be injured. 3 different teams have been missing their QB for at least 2 games (not including those that told their first-string guy to have a damn seat*). The Giants are missing their entire running core. And that's only looking on the offensive side of the ball. The injuries don't seem to discriminate. From hamstring injuries to concussions to major breaks, it just seems like a lot this year. Not only is it a lot of injuries, but it's injuries to big names that we all know: Jay Cutler, Aaron Rodgers, Clay Mathews, Julio Jones, David Flip Wilson, Dez Bryant, Reggie Wayne...this list just goes on and on.

So what gives? My first question is, are they not stretching anymore? The sheer number of non-serious hamstring injuries is mind boggling. Seriously, these guys need to take a page from the cheerleaders and never take the field without first doing a scissors stretch or two.**

My next question is, for many of these injuries -- is this an unintended consequence of the new tackling rule? The new rules state that players cannot hit high, carrying hefty fines and penalties for helmet-to-helmet hits. The rule was designed in the wake of a huge lawsuit against the NFL for damages suffered as a result of concussions. And sure, making helmet-to-helmet hits expensive (both to the team in the game and the player's individual pocketbooks) limits the number of high hits. But it also increases the number of low hits. Resulting in what? Helmets hitting other breakable areas of the body.

It's a new rule, so time will tell. But for now, I wonder if we didn't trade head injuries for knee and leg injuries.

*Looking at you Texans!

**OR, is "hamstring" injury to athletes what "exhaustion" is to Hollywood celebrities?

Week 9 Predictions

Well, my winning streak is over, thanks to the Miami Dolphins. Sure, I was hoping they'd win -- but not at the expense of my picks. Darn safety in OT.

Anyway, to mix things up a bit, I've got a challenger to my picks. May I introduce to you Jillian, the 3-1/2 year old football monster and originator of #FootballwithJillian.

She's an avid Packers fan, and apparently has a bone to pick with some of my picks. So, who am I to deny a correspondent her right to dissent? So, without much further ado, my picks vs. a 3-1/2 year old's picks*.


Bengals v. Dolphins: As you saw on Twitter, I (wrongly) chose the Bengals to win this game. Lady Jillian had a different response. Practicing for when she takes over for Deion "Showtime" Sanders on NFL Network, she informed us that *she* would win that game. Well played, Jillian. Well played.

Falcons v. Panthers: Panthers. The Falcons have been a huge disappointment all season. Usually, they save the choking for the post-season. Looks like this season they are starting early (and dashing any hopes sexy sexy Tony Gonzalez may have had for a ring. On the upside, sexy sexy Cam Newton will get another win).

Vikings v. Cowboys: Jillian says the guys in the white hats (Cowboys) will win because they're gonna get the ball. Well, when she's right, she's right. Cowboys are my pick as well.

Saints v. Jets: Who dat?! That's the Saints smacking the Jets around a bit. They won't get rolled over, but the Jets won't win either. As my Ma would say...quiet is kept but the Saints are one of the top teams in the league. Who says the coaching staff isn't important?**

Titans v. Rams: Titans. In the epic battle of mediocre teams, Titans win.

Chiefs v. Bills: Chiefs. Chalk up another win for bitter and hate. The last undefeated team will probably be undefeated for another week!

Chargers v. Washington: Washington. The most overrated QB in football takes on the most humble QB in football -- and loses. The good guys with the terrible name will take this one at home.

Eagles v. Raiders: Raiders. I learned my lesson with the Eagles. Between having a general habit of biting the big one AND playing the same game of QB Roulette as the Vikings, the Eagles just won't cut it. Correspondent Jillian disagrees, picking the Eagles (rather emphatically, with an "oooh!" as only a 3-1/2 year old can exclaim).

Buccaneers v. Seahawks. Seahawks. When they're home, they're good. Someday they'll need to learn how to play without the 12th man. But Sunday isn't that day.

Ravens v. Browns: Jillian says the Browns will win because their uniforms have black on it. To which her mother (AKA Martha Stewart MacGyver) pointed out that the Ravens also had black on their uniforms. Jillian, with what I can only imagine was a look of pure pity for her mother's ridiculousness, said "yes, but these guys have it there. I told you." If you ask me, Jillian's picks have been influenced by her father, an avid Browns fan. On behalf of a couple other friends I have, I hope she's right. But I think the aging Ravens beat the still-green Browns in this one.

Steelers v. Patriots: On this, Jillian and I can agree. The Patriots will win. And no further comment is necessary.

Colts v. Texans: Colts.

Bears v. Packers: Packers. I would have picked them even if the Bears weren't missing their quarterback. Jillian, however, notes that the Packers are her favorite and her best buddies. Good enough for me. GO PACK GO!!!



*Is it wrong that I kinda want to crush her?

**For more on this reference, google "Bounty-Gate"

Week 8 Predictions

Right again on my twitt-pic. Thursdays are just great. Let's see how I can do with the rest of the picks now that we're at the halfway point.

49ers v. Jaguars: 49ers.

Browns v. Chiefs: Chiefs. Now that Broncomania is over, the Chiefs are the last undefeated team standing. Who says bitterness can't carry you through. I may have to tune in just to see what Alex 'n' Andy have in their back pocket.

Dolphins v. Patriots: Patriots. Now that Tom Brady has his favorite target back, he and Gronkowski should hook up for tons of yardage and probably a TD or two. I think the Dolphins are spritely, but probably not good enough to beat the Patriots.

Bills v. Saints: Saints.

Cowboys v. Lions: Lions. I'm of the opinion that Romo is sure to choke when it counts. I also like the Megatron + Reggie Bush + Suh = a winning combo.

Giants v. Eagles: Giants. The Giants are a streaky team. They lose 6 in a row, then they win one, and their fans tell me they are headed for the playoffs.* The Eagles are picked to win, but I pick this as my upset.

Steelers v. Raiders: Steelers. The Steelers are on a "winning streak." So, I will go with them.

Jets v. Bengals: Bengals. Although it was really amazing watching the Jets beat the Patriots, I think that was more luck than anything.

Falcons v. Cardinals: Cardinals. The Falcons have been hugely disappointing, and it makes me sad that sexy sexy Tony Gonzalez won't be getting a ring before he retires. Pretty boys deserve rings, don't they? :)

Washington v. Broncos: Broncos. Although the Broncos are probably still smarting from that loss last week, I think they'll pull it out over RGIII.

Packers v. Vikings: Packers.

Seahawks v. Rams: Seahawks.





*Although, with the way the NFC East is looking, 9 wins may be enough to get in the playoffs.

Week 7 Predictions

Once again, my twitt-pic proves right. Although it wasn't really difficult picking out which bird would come out on top. So, let's get to the rest of the week.

Tampa Bay vs. Atlanta: Atlanta.

St. Louis v. Carolina: Carolina.

Cincinnati v. Detroit: Detroit. Let's talk about a tough call. Cincinnati has been good this year, but I still think Detroit is a rising star of the NFL. Also, Detroit is at home, and I still believe that there is something to be said about home-field advantage.

San Diego v. Jacksonville: San Diego.

Buffalo v. Miami: Miami. I'm loving the Bills' storyline so far, but I think that their time (and their wins) are soon to run out. But, this game could get very interesting if the Bills defense is making plays.

New England v. New York Jets: New England. Rob Gronkowski has been cleared by all doctors, so as near as I can tell, he'll be playing. He was one of my greatest weapons on fantasy football, and a favorite target of Tom Brady in real life. Sure, the Jets will play hard, but how they're going to beat New England is beyond me.*

Dallas v. Philadelphia: Dallas. Yet another team with QB drama, Vick is "injured." The fans and the team are starting to rally behind Nick Folles. But, may I echo NFL AM when I remind you that he's won two games in the NFL, and both of them were against Tampa Bay? Meanwhile, Vick -- ahem, healthy Vick is a clutch player. No matter. In the end, Romo is known to choke when it counts, and in this rival game, he will give Philly plenty of opportunity to win. I just don't think they'll capitalize on those opportunities.

Cleveland v. Green Bay: Green Bay. Yes, the Packers are rather injured in the receiver spot. Apparently we're down to just two. But, we finally have a credible running game! And anyone who pays attention to the depth chart knows that the Packers like to keep the rookies on point and ready to rock if the person ahead of them ever goes down. Winning will just be that much sweeter, knowing we did it with one hand tied behind our back.

Chicago v. Washington: Chicago. RGIII can't carry a team by himself. And I think Chicago's defense is good enough to smack the Washington O-line around.

San Francisco v. Tennessee: San Francisco.

Houston v. Kansas City: KC, obviously. But, did you hear the one about the QB who has thrown a pick 6 in the first 5 games of the season? And then part way through game 6 he was benched, and his back up went in the game and immediately threw a pick 6? Ouch, Houston. Ouch. Evidently, Matt Schaub will not get the opportunity to throw a pick 6 in game 7, because he will be warming the bench.

Baltimore v. Pittsburgh: Baltimore. Man, you used to see this game on the schedule and think -- woo boy. Somebody will be visiting the ER today. But it would appear that both of these teams have lost their grit. So ho-hum. Looks like it's time to engage in a little rebuilding.

Denver v. Indianapolis: Denver. Local Colts fans tell me that they've got Peyton's ticket. History tells me that no one is stopping Broncomania, emotional return home or not. Pfft.

Minnesota v. New York. New York Giants. Yes. They finally get a win, even if it's only because the Vikings are playing Russian Roulette with QBs. (And we've all seen how well that's been working out for Tampa Bay.) We'll see how Josh Freeman does as the 3rd QB for the team.*


*And probably beyond Rex Ryan, too.

**Looks like Josh found a rebound, doesn't it?

Week 6 Predictions

Right again on Thursday Night! Begrudgingly right, but right nonetheless. There's a lot of opportunity to get proven wrong, with so many teams having seasons that are totally opposite from last year. So, let's just get to it. Here are my heels-on-the-gridiron picks for this week.

Green Bay v. Baltimore: Green Bay. I'm told Joe Flacco is an elite quarterback. But all I can see are a Ravens team missing a whole lot of elements. For tomorrow, I go Green Bay. Tough game, but I'm picking the Packers all day.

Cincinnati v. Buffalo: Cincinnati. I like what Buffalo has been doing, but I'm not sure they've got the magic touch just yet.

Detroit v. Cleveland: Detroit. The Browns are having a great season for the time being, but I still can't say they are better than the Lions.

St. Louis v. Houston: Houston. At least, it should be Houston if Matt Schaub can keep the uniform colors straight.

Oakland v. Kansas City: Kansas City. I'm still riding the revenge and bitter train with Alex 'n' Andy.

Carolina v. Minnesota: Minnesota. The Vikings will be playing harder than they've ever played in honor of AP's son. Tragedy often brings out the fight in people.*

Pittsburgh v. NY Jets: Jets. Something is just off with the Steelers.

Philadelphia v. Tampa Bay: Philadelphia. Apparently Tampa Bay is still suffering from the drama that is getting a new girlfriend.

Jacksonville v. Denver: Denver.

Tennessee v. Seattle: Seattle.

New Orleans v. New England: I'm going with New England -- but only because I'm told that the Patriots is to Drew Brees as the Cowboys were to Brett Favre. Just oddly unbeatable, even if they have the better team.

Arizona v. San Francisco: San Francisco.

Washington v. Dallas: Dallas. In my super qualified medical opinion, RGIII came back just too soon -- and Washington is suffering because of it.

Indianapolis v. San Diego: Indianapolis.




*Side note? There's a special place in hell for people who kill babies.

Bad Break-ups

Okay really. What's really going on with Tampa Bay? If ever there was a time I wanted to know the back story it's now. In case you haven't heard, last week, Josh Freeman was released from Tampa Bay. But it resembled more of a college break-up than a simple employment termination.

The Buccaneers apparently decided that they needed to see other people last season. And instead of being a man about it, they brought in the new girlfriend (rookie Mike Glennon) to parade around as their 3rd round draft pick. Then, in protest, scorned woman Josh refused to show up for the team picture.* They tried a "break" early into the season, with Tampa Bay taking the new girlfriend to the big dance. But instead of giving Mike his own date, he got Josh's spot in the front seat. Josh was forced to sit in the suite (aka, take his own car) to the dance. In the end, in a very public Kim Kardashian style break up, the two have ended their relationship. Josh has been released and has signed with the Minnesota Vikings.

Speaking of the Vikings, they may be having their own drama. Sure, they say that Ponder is injured and therefore can't play -- but that seems like a nicer way to break up and help Ponder save face. Meanwhile, Minnesota has a backup in Matt Cassel** but signed Josh Freeman anyway. I sense some drama coming in the very near future.

All of this over one QB...who, if memory serves, actually brought Tampa Bay out of the doldrums of mediocrity and into the category of better-than-average.

In any event, all of this football drama is but a few steps (and player retirements) from a reality show on MTV. And I? Cannot wait!!! (Hashtag the new T.O. and Ochocinco I hope).



*This seems to be as big of a deal as changing your Facebook status to "it's complicated"

**See: Epically Overrated 1st Round Draft Picks

Week 5 Predictions

My winning streak on Thursday nights continue. If you checked me out @pumpsnpigskins you saw that I picked the Browns. Who, by the way, are number one in the AFC North right now. Who woulda thought!? Congratulations to the Browns!

And now, for everyone else:

Patriots v. Bengals: Patriots. When in doubt, go with Tom Brady.

Lions v. Packers: Packers. Did you know that the Packers have won the last 21 meetings against the Lions at Lambeau.

Seahawks v. Colts: Colts.

Ravens v. Dolphins: Dolphins. The Dolphins seem to have a new energy about them...meanwhile, the Ravens seem to have slipped into a rebuilding year.

Saints v. Bears: Saints. Listen, this is going to be a tough game and a close one. But when it comes right down to it, I've got Brees over Cutler, all day, everyday.

Eagles v. Giants: Giants. My resident Giants fan tells me this is the one. THIS is the game where the Giants turn things around. My resident Eagles fan tells me that the Eagles are rarely dependable. So, Giants it is...with a skeptical eyebrow raise.

Chiefs v. Titans: Chiefs. I think the Alex 'n' Andy bitterness carries them through this game.

Jaguars v. Rams: Rams.

Panthers v. Cardinals: Cardinals.

Broncos v. Cowboys: Broncos. Why do I even have to say it anymore? Broncomania continues. Should be interesting to watch, if for no other reason than these are 2 of the 4 remaining undefeated teams. Cowboys soon to leave that elite club.

Texans v. 49ers: Texans. Remember the sophomore slump I was telling you about? Looks like it has paid Kap a visit.

Chargers v. Raiders: Chargers. I'm told that Philip Rivers is playing the best he's ever played right now.

Jets v. Falcons: Falcons. C'mon. Falcons at home? All day. I don't care what kind of crazy energy the Jets have.

Parity

The NFL has the most parity of any professional sport, hands down. This is amazing for several reasons. First, that means Monday Night Football isn't plagued with completely boring games. Second, it means no one's safe, and it's anyone's game. Third, it means that the teams with the most money won't constantly dominate the playoffs and the Super Bowl (*cough cough Lakers, Yankees, Celtics cough cough*).

So, how is it that football has come to be so evenly matched? Well, a little thing I like to call revenue sharing and a salary cap and floor. Very quickly, the salary cap and the floor keep teams from gambling with their picks and their season by either a) out-spending other teams; or b) spending very little to intentionally run the team into the ground (while owners still turn a profit). The revenue sharing deal means that all the teams share in the TV money equally, and the gate tickets are also split, 60/40 home team and visiting team. So what does this mean? Rich teams and poor teams, big teams and little teams, everyone is in it together.*

But none of us are getting the money, so why do we care? Well, we care because this means the talent is spread among all the teams. And that sometimes, a team that was in obscurity in one year (like the Bengals) can then be in the playoffs the next year. It also means that I have legitimate hopes for the Dolphins against the Saints on Monday night. (Grant it, they lost -- but both teams were undefeated going in last Monday).


*Conversely, baseball teams are often accused of trying to run the opposing teams out of business.

Week 4 Predictions

If you checked out my Twitter pick, I'm right again for my Thursday night pick. As for last week's picks, let's just not talk about them.* Instead, I will try to redeem myself.

Ravens v. Bills: Ravens. The Bills will make it interesting, but in the end, the Ravens will win.

Cardinals v. Buccaneers: Buccaneers. I don't know much about either of these teams. But that's why I try to surround myself with people smarter than me. According to sources, the Buccaneers have a helluva corner in Darrelle Revus.** So on advice of counsel, I'm going with the Bucs.

Steelers v. Vikings. Vikings. All kinds of interesting happening in this game. The Steelers are looking tired, sluggish, and like they just don't want it. The Vikings benched their QB and are giving the formerly-overrated-1st-round-draft-pick Matt Cassel the helm. If nothing else, it should be a doozy to watch.

Giants v. Chiefs. Chiefs. Alex & Andy are now riding on the chips AND momentum. Plus, here's a fun fact for you. The Chiefs' defense is number one in the league right now, with 15 sacks. 15!!! Sir Manning better watch his back...and his front...and the blind side. My prediction is that he'll be seeing an awful lot of turf.

Colts v. Jaguars. Colts.

Seahawks v. Texans. Seahawks. Don't take this pick as any indication that I'm at all sold on the Seahawks. I just think the Texans are still injured. The Seahawks on the road? Not amazing.

Bengals v. Browns. Browns.

Bears v. Lions. Lions. And this isn't even a spite pick. I think the Lions are better, and in the NFC North, the tendency is to split the games, and usually the win is at home. And, the Lions are better.

Jets v. Titans. Jets. Geno Smith runs the read option, and apparently no NFL coach can defend against it. Also, they seem to run every formation known to man -- did you see that they ran the wild cat last week!?

Redskins v. Raiders. Redskins.

Eagles v. Broncos. Broncos. Broncomania continues.

Cowboys v. Chargers. Cowboys. I'll be honest...I flipped a coin. I have no idea on this one. :)

Patriots v. Falcons. Patriots. The Falcons seem to have lost their magic.

Dolphins v. Saints. Dolphins. The Saints at home are amazing. But listen...the Dolphins defend the pass like the Americans against the British. Meanwhile, the Saints got rid of Reggie Bush eons ago and are still looking for someone to take his place. If nothing else, this will be an interesting game. I'm going to go with the Dolphins, just for giggles -- but it's just as likely that the Saints will win.




*How the hell did the Giants go scoreless against the Panthers?! And furthermore, my colleague that's a Vikings fan lied to me about their chances against the Browns. And the Packers? Don't even get me started. Argh!

**Side note? The Jets did Darrelle dirty. He may have the same kind of chip on his shoulder as Alex & Andy -- maybe he oughta head to KC.

Week 3 Predictions

So, my record for last week was 11/16. That's not bad. If you checked me out on Twitter @pumpsnpigskins you saw I was right about Thursday's game* (which also means I have a perfect record on Thursday nights!). But enough about me, do you agree with my picks for week 3**?

Texans v. Ravens: Texans. The Ravens just seem to have lost that X factor when their number one motivator retired. Plus, I'm not quite sure why people got all twitterpeated*** over Joe Flacco in the first place.

Giants v. Panthers: Giants. Listen, the Giants might start slow, but they aren't THAT slow.

Lions v. Washington: Lions. I'll say it again. Megatron + Reggie Bush = monster offense. DeAngelo Hall is going to have his work cut out for him. In any event, RG3 seems to have come back too early -- or isn't surrounded by the right people anymore. Or something. Anyway, Washington is losing.

Chargers v. Titans: Chargers.

Cardinals v. Saints: Saints. Who dat!?!?

Buccaneers v. Patriots: I would have picked the Patriots no matter what, despite the disconnect that's been happening between Tom Brady and his receivers. But, did you hear that Josh Freeman is no longer a team captain? That's serious indication that there's something a-brewing down in Tampa. That's like a no confidence vote -- and you know who the team needs to have confidence in? The QB.

Packers v. Bengals: Packers. My co-worker told me to stop voting with my heart, but eff that noise. Packers all day on this one!

Rams v. Cowboys: Cowboys.

Browns v. Vikings: Vikings. This doesn't require explanation, but word on the street is that the Browns traded Trent Richardson. So, who's in charge of taking the ball into the end zone for Cleveland, now? Nope, I can't answer that either.

Falcons v. Dolphins: Falcons.

Bills v. Jets: Bills. Did you SEE the ending to the Bills' game last week? It may be a battle of mediocrity, but I'll bet an extra $3 that it's more interesting to watch than all of last week's games combined.

Colts v. 49ers: 49ers. Begrudgingly, but the 49ers.

Jaguars v. Seahawks: Seahawks. If the 12th man threw off one of the best teams in the NFC, it's surely going to be a problem for the Jaguars.

Bears v. Steelers: Bears. I went back and forth on this one. I started to see a glimmer of the old Steelers last week, but I'm not sure the offense has a rhythm yet. The last two weeks when I've been on the fence, I went with the home team and I was wrong. This week, I'm going against that instinct and going with the visiting team.

Raiders v. Broncos: I shouldn't have to say it. But just in case. Bronco. Mania. Continues.





*Never underestimate the power of bitterness.

**HA. I'm a poet and I don't even know it.

***Overly excited. Enthused. Bouncy-happy-sugary-smiley excited.

Defense! Defense! Defense!

Bears fans are fond of saying that offenses win games, defenses win championships. Rightfully so, the last time they won a championship (cough cough 1985 cough cough), it was on the back of a great defense. Conversely, teams such as the Patriots and the Packers subscribe the exact opposite of this school of thought, with neither really having a fully functional defense in each of their last trips to the Super Bowl, relying instead on the arm of the quarterback.

It's hard to decide who is right. No matter how good your defense is, at some point your QB is going to have to throw it to someone in the end zone, or hand it to a running back powerful enough to cross the plane or the pile-on. Otherwise, it's going to be an awfully boring game. Which is what we had for the entirety of week 2. Defenses may be powerful, but they really are a snooze fest, aren't they? Unless you've got a linebacker pile driving a quarterback into the turf, it just isn't that exciting to watch extremely large men push against more extremely large men on the line. Similarly, cornerbacks just aren't that thrilling unless they're leaping over the wide receiver to grab a pick.

So, let's talk about defensive players that are exciting to watch. Washington has a great cornerback in DeAngelo Hall. I said it once, I'll say it again. They forgot to tell him that he's not a wide receiver -- he's on the ball better than the wide receivers he's defending. I think he secretly does a Jedi Mind Trick on opposing quarterbacks in every game. Another awesome defensive player? Troy Polamalu. Yes, the guy on the Head and Shoulders commercial. The past couple years he was injured, and I was worried that he lost his edge. But in last week's game against the Bengals, he seemed to have the old pep in his step that we're used to seeing.

All that said, a game that's full of defense and no offense usually has a score like 6-3, 7-3, 9-0. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. You'll know you're watching a game that's all defense when you find yourself starting to make a grocery list in your head; talking about topics not at all related to football, or playing Candy Crush Saga on your phone. Hey, it happens to the best of us. And frankly, it happened for the entire day this past Sunday. I took more naps on Sunday than a cat in a sunny living room.

Here's hoping that we'll see some high flying action this week! Stay tuned for Week 3 predictions.

Week 2 Predictions

Well, last week I did oooookayyy. But there were far more upsets than I thought there would be. Let's see if my picks are closer to target this week.

Jets v. Patriots: Jets. Just kidding. Patriots, all day long. Tom Brady and Co may wait until the end to start turning up the heat, but Geno Smith just doesn't have what it takes to beat the Pats. And, with Mark Sanchez injured, there's no back up plan. Plus, I heard that Coach Rex Ryan lost his fire -- that is NOT a confidence booster.

Rams v. Falcons: Falcons. The Falcons are at home, and the Georgia Dome is a notorious 12th man (although not quite as notorious as the Seahawks' field). Plus, like I said before, the Falcons are prone to choking, they usually save it for big games.

Chargers v. Eagles: Eagles. After what I thought I saw in the Chargers last week, I might have given the Chargers a fair shot. And then I remembered that they blew a 3 TD lead against the Texans. Plus, Vick, McCoy, and Jackson were on FIYAHHHHH last week. Both teams have the sort of momentum that sticks around like an ex-boyfriend that you broke up with.

Cowboys v. Chiefs: Just for fun, I'm going with the Chiefs. Sure, the Cowboys are a better team, and Dez Bryant is back on the line, and sexy sexy Miles (and Miles) Austin seems to be cured of the dropsies. However, I still say that Andy Reid and Alex Smith have matching axes to grind. That kind of pisstivity should take them at least into Week 3. Besides, I need more than one upset pick.

Dolphins v. Colts: Colts.

Titans v. Texans: Let's go with the Texans. That was a great comeback last week.

Washington v. Packers: Packers. I know I said the Packers have struggled against the read-option, and RG3 runs like a little kid during recess. But did you see what the Eagles did to Washington last week? I'm just counting on Washington's D not being able to hold 4 receivers.

Browns v. Ravens: Ravens. In this rivalry game, I've gotta go with the better team. Grant it, Joe Flacco is a mediocre QB disguised as an elite QB (thanks to the Super Bowl ring) -- but I can't tell you one weapon that the Browns are wielding right now. They're a lovable team but they seem to be managed like a business rather than a sports team. Which rarely ever works (see: Bucks, Milwaukee.)

Panthers v. Bills: Panthers. Why? Because I think Cam Newton is hot*. Get off me.

Vikings v. Bears: Bears. I wish there was a way for both of these teams to lose. But since a tie is rare, I'll go with the home field team. With any luck, AP will run all over the Bears just to make their beloved defense look bad.**

Saints v. Buccaneers: Saints.

Lions v. Cardinals: Lions. Megatron + Reggie Bush = magical offensive numbers. Side note, if you can get either one of these workhorses for your fantasy team, do it. Also, send me an invitation to that team because you've clearly got a league full of people who don't watch enough of the game. I could clean up!

Jaguars v. Raiders: Raiders. This pick is based totally off of one singular comment a colleague of mine made, with regard to the Colts/Raiders game last week: The Raiders aren't good, but Pryor is f#cking amazing.***

Broncos v. Giants: Broncos. Need I remind you of Broncomania last week? Also, the Giants we are still in the "start slow" portion of the Giants' season. Plus, the rookie RB seems to have a severe case of the dropsies....and without the saving grace of speed and power like AP in Minnesota. Word on the street is that Brandon Jacobs is back...but even still, he needs to get integrated back into the team.

49ers v. Seahawks. 49ers. This is my second upset pick. The Seahawks have the most notorious 12th man in the league. But the 49ers are on a roll.

Steelers v. Bengals. Bengals. The Bengals are at home, and the aging Steelers just looked sluggish last week.


*Check out his picture here. And THAT isn't even a good picture of him. Had I put a good one up, your internet might have melted, and I care about you too much to let that happen.

** That, my friends, is pure inter-conference rivalry spite. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

*** To which I responded, "who is Pryor?" After giving me a blank stare for a good 5 seconds longer than necessary, my colleague informed me that he is the Raiders' QB. To which I said, "oh. So they don't have Carson Palmer anymore? Sad. He was my fantasy QB a couple years ago during Brees' bye week and he did AWESOME." I was met with another blank stare. Shrug.

Cheers and Jeers

I'm suffering from a football hangover. It's like I went on a football bender -- and now I'm laid out on the floor of my bathroom, caressing the cold tile and hugging the porcelain goddess -- thanks to the extra servings of sacks, runs, touchbacks and fair catches*, and field goals.

In any event, each week I plan to highlight the most awesome plays, and the worst plays ever. Grant it, I'm not the Rain Man of football, so I probably won't see all the games. Annnnd, despite the awesomeness of the NFL players, some weeks, there might not be anything worth mentioning. But, as this was opening week, of COURSE there was some great action on the field, and hilariously bad plays as well. Without any further ado, here we go.

CHEERS!!!!

First up, Broncomania. Okay, admittedly, this isn't an awesome "play." But, did you SEE Thursday night's game?!? Holy hell, Peyton Manning had 7 touchdowns. Go back and read that again. He had SEVEN TOUCHDOWNS. That's more than some quarterbacks get over the span of 3 games (*cough cough Christian Ponder cough cough*). And those that drafted either Peyton, or his target-o-choice Broncos TE Thomas for their fantasy teams collectively rejoiced.

Second, Jordy Nelson against the 49ers....call it a Superman catch. Because that boy superman'd it better than Soldier Boy Tell 'Em ever has:



(seen at http://larrybrownsports.com/football/jordy-nelson-sidelines-michael-floyd-one-handed-catch/203269)


JEERS!!!!

First up, Danny Trevathan of the Broncos. Yes, the Broncos again. But this bonehead move was SO BONEHEADED that it deserves the Idiot of the Century Award:



(seen at http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nbc-yahoo-sports/sportsdash-trevathan-joins-likes-lett-premature-celebration-154147883--ocid.yahoo.html)

Second, Bucs linebacker Lavonte David pops Geno Smith after the play was over (and he was out of bounds) with 7 seconds left on the clock. It would be stupid anyway, yes, but it is colossally stupid here because the Buccaneers were winning, and without that penalty, the Jets had no hope of turning it around. But thanks to the penalty, the Jets ended up in FG range, and pulled out the win on the leg of their kicker. And Buccanners fans everywhere began throwing things at their TVs.

So -- did you see anything noteworthy this week?



*Seriously. With the touchbacks and fair catches. Is anyone planning to run the ball back anymore?

Week 1 Predictions

If you checked out my Twitter (@pumpsnpigskins), you'll know that I was right about Thursday night's game. I didn't predict that the Broncos would annihilate the Raves, but I did predict the win. As for the rest of the games:

Packers v. 49ers:
Long. Sigh. One of our hardest, if not the hardest, games this season. Listen, last year, the 49ers had our ticket -- we couldn't defend against the read option, and they wouldn't let Rodgers do what he does -- that is, throw it a mile to one of five receivers. This year? Well. Let's just hope someone pissed Clay Matthews and AJ Hawk off last night, so that all Kaepernick can do is hit the deck. I hope.

Bears v. Bengals:
Bengals. The Bears are in a rebuilding year -- new coach, new theory. They may actually try to play offense this yera. But while they're trying to figure it out, the Bengals will be stomping on them. With any luck, HARD.

Buccaneers v. Jets:
Buccaneers -- Josh Freeman showed some promise last year. And well, goodness only knows what's going on in New York.

Vikings v. Lions:
Lions. This morning I found out that the Lions picked up Reggie Bush at running back. He's a powerful running back, and that's a great pick up for a team that had no running game. Meanwhile, you may remember Calvin Megatron Johnson from a record-breaking season last year at WR. The Lions have a more complete offense -- and the dirtiest defensive player in the league. Even though AP is going to run his ass off today, I doubt the Vikings have enough power to stop the Lions' train.

Raiders v. Colts:
Colts

Chiefs v. Jaguars:
Chiefs. Andy Reid (coach) and Alex Smith (QB) both have massive chips on their shoulders. That bitterness is bound to come out on the field and against the unsuspecting Jags.

Falcons v. Saints:
Saints. As much as I like Tony Gonzalez,* the Falcons have a tendency to choke when it matters, the Saints are at home, and oh-yeah, I'll pick Drew Brees over Matty Ice any day. (No matter how cool Matt's nickname is.)

Titans v. Steelers:
Steelers

Patriots v. Bills:
Patriots

Seahawks v. Panthers:
Panthers. For my upset pick, I'm going with the Panthers. It's Cam Newton in his 3rd year, versus Russell Wilson, who will be facing the sophomore slump.

Dolphins v. Browns:
Dolphins

Cardinals v. Rams:
Cardinals. Frankly, for no other reason than I like Larry Fitzgerald.

Giants v. Cowboys:
Cowboys. Why? Because my resident Giants fan told me last year that the Giants always start slow. A fact that was later confirmed by Michael Strahan on my favorite pre-game show (Fox NFL Sunday).


Eagles v. Washington:
Tough call. Injured QB vs. prone-to-injury QB. Basically, my pick is that whoever has the best line -- the best defensive line -- is going to win. Both these QBs run like hell, but I predict there will be a little tentativeness from both of them. Plus, where Michael Vick had to tryout to keep his starting spot, RG3 has something to prove coming back from an injury. Outside of the quarterbacks, we've got DeShaun Jackson burning up the field by catching footballs thrown a minimum of a zillion yards -- whenever Jackson runs, there's a sonic boom because he breaks the sound barrier getting down the field. But, for Washington, we've got D'Angelo Hall at corner -- a cornerback that no one told that he was a defensive player. He's got his eye on the ball and INTs are part of every game. So who to pick? Hmmm...Washington. If anything, there's gotta be something to home field advantage, right?


Texans v. Chargers:
Texans. Last year, the Texans were the crown jewel of the AFC. They had a great offense, defense, and special teams. They were a total package -- not necessarily great at everything, but dangerously complete. No reason why that can't continue this year.




*Uhhh...because he's FAH-REAK-ING HOT. What? You don't know? Google him. Right now. I'll wait. See??!!?

Sophomore Slump

According to Wikipedia, the sophomore slump refers to "an instance when the second effort fails to live up to the standards of the first effort." In other words, when your second year kinda sucks as compared to your first year.

This is a common phenomenon in football. Think Vince Young of the Tennessee Titans, Cam Newtown of the Carolina Panthers, and Andy Dalton of the Cincinnati Bengals. Each of these QBs had amazing years their first year. They came out of the draft, roaring onto the field, kicking ass and taking names. Vince Young broke the record for rushing yards by a rookie quarterback. It would later be broken by Cam Newton, who rushed, threw TDs, and led the Panthers to their best record in years. Setting another record, Cam Newton threw for over 400 yards in his first NFL season opener (breaking a record sent by Peyton Manning. And, Andy Dalton led the Bengals to a playoff run his first year. Despite all of their success, the sophomore years for these guys did not go as well. They threw more interceptions, lost more games, and generally had a horrible season.

Another infamous sophomore? Tim Tebow. Tim Tebow was a rookie in 2010, but only played 3 games. His first full year was 2011 when he played for the Denver Broncos. Most would say that Tebow's success was luck. He has always been underestimated (at least, according to Tim Tebow). But, aside from what was happening on the field, most people would recognize Tim Tebow for his off the field actions. A mormon, Tim Tebow was vocal about his faith. An adamant Christian, Tebow would often "celebrate" his TDs by kneeling in prayer in the end zone.

(Found out http://bleacherreport.com/articles/913212-tim-tebow-sparks-awesome-tebowing-craze-you-must-include-in-your-daily-routine). Eventually, "Tebowing" would become a craze just like planking...Finding people taking pictures of themselves kneeling in random places...even if they weren't Broncos fans....

(Hey -- sometimes you just gotta say a prayer that your defense gets an interception. In the case of this photo? They didn't. Sad).


The buzz about last year's rookies is that they are different. Russell Wilson of the Seahawks (of Fail Mary fame); RG3 from Washington; and Colin Kaepernick of the 49ers all led their teams to the playoffs. Kaepernick would drive the 49ers all the way to the Super Bowl (ironically, after taking the job from Alex Smith). As the new season is upon us, these are the 3 to watch. Interestingly enough, the Super Bowl champs often struggle the second year; rarely making it back to the championship game the next year. So the odds may already be stacked against Kaepernick. And, you may remember that RG3 left the final game (the NFC Wild Card game against the Seahawks) with a knee injury. Although cleared to practice during the pre-season, the question remains: how will RG3 be able to cut and run after having knee surgery? Will he be as explosive?

Fortunately, we don't have to wait long for our answer about these rookies...it's almost here! Are you ready for some football?!!

Pick a Side and Stay There!

Obviously, football is more than just the NFL. It's college and high school, too. Which is why I get so confused when people say that they used to root for one team, but then they started rooting for the team's mortal enemy. We learn from very early on that when you are associated with one team, you just cannot switch sides. So, if you are born a Packers fan, you cannot switch to a Vikings fan; if you're a Titans fan, you cannot suddenly root for the Colts; and if you're a Browns fan, you cannot be a Steelers fan. It's just how the world works. But, did you know that if you're a Browns fan, rules dictate that you hate the Ravens as well? True story!

The NFL will form expansion teams every now and again. Meaning, if the market demands it, the NFL will form a new team to meet that demand. Some teams that started as expansion teams are the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Carolina Panthers, the Tennessee Titans, and the Baltimore Ravens (sort of). Now, purists will say that neither the Titans nor the Ravens are expansion teams, because they were actually teams that were just moved. The Titans were previously the Houston Oilers, and the Baltimore Ravens were the Cleveland Browns. And this is where the Browns/Ravens rivalry comes in.

As I understand it, in 1995, the Browns were on fire. They finished the season well, staying in the playoffs until losing in the 2nd round. The city loved them, the team was playing well, and all was rosy. Except, the owner wanted a new stadium. The city told him to kick rocks in flip flops. So...he did...by moving the team to Baltimore. After a major controversy, the team was allowed to leave, but they couldn't take the name*. They were deemed an expansion team and renamed the Ravens. During the next 3 years, the Browns didn't exist....and in the 3rd year, the Ravens won the Super Bowl. Understandably, Browns fans were pretty bitter. To switch from rooting for the Browns to the Ravens is tantamount to treason.

I have similar debates with people regarding my love of the Packers despite no longer living in Wisconsin. I constantly run into women who say that they've lived in thus-and-so place for so long that they just adopted their new city's team. OR, (worse, in my opinion) they began rooting for their husband's favorite team. Listen chicks. You wouldn't change from vodka to cognac just because you left your hometown or your husband liked it. Don't do it with your football team either. Show a little respect!




*Or the history, stats, or team colors. But they are totally winning on the colors aren't they? Black and purple? Hello, dope.

When Football is Your Fantasy

Football fantasies often involve cheerleaders, bare midriffs, jerseys, and balls . But fantasy football has nothing to do with any of that. Fantasy football is Monday Morning Quarterback meets Madden (the video game, not the coach). Fantasy football gives all of us who are glued to the TV on Sundays (and Thursdays and Mondays) the chance to build the team of our dreams and battle against the team our friends dream about. So how does it work? It's actually a lot easier than you think*.

I only have experience with Yahoo!'s Fantasy Football, but I'm told they are all basically the same. Each person is a manager (aka, a General Manager or GM) and has the opportunity to pick their team. Typically, you pick: a quarterback, a defense, a tight-end, 2 wide receivers, 2 running backs, 1 tight end, 1 flex position (which can be either a wide receiver or a running back or maybe a tight end), and a kicker. These are the positions that must be filled at all times. Then, there are 5 people on the bench. You need those folks for bye weeks, injuries, or if your first choice ends up sucking. You develop your team on draft day. Some leagues do this as a huge event -- live and lots of yelling about stealing players. Others do it by auto-draft. However you do it, the strategy and gamesmanship can start as early as the first round. So be careful who you pick!

Of course, you can't always get the team of your dreams on the first try. (What would be the fun in that?) Inevitably, one of your favorite players will go to another team. Or you'll be in a huge league and end up with all kinds of players you've never heard of. That's fine. There's always the opportunity to draft players later, and many leagues allow for trades among teams.

So, you've set your team. Scoring is then based on what happens in the actual game each week. So let's take the QB position. Say you have Drew Brees (my fantasy pick 3 years running). I score every time Brees does his job on the field. For every touchdown he throws (running or throwing), I get 6 points. For every 20 yards he runs or throws, I get 1 point. And, for interceptions, -2. If my guy Brees gets sacked, -1. Running backs, tight ends, and wide receivers all score similarly in that they receive 1 point for every reception, 6 for each touch down (receiving or rushing), and 1 point for every 10 yards rushed (or received in the case of wide receivers and tight ends). Each position has the opportunity to score based on what really happened in each player's real game. Check your league settings for the rest of the scoring scheme.

The only downside to fantasy football, as beautifully stated by a friend of mine, is that you lose your ability to remain objective about games you just shouldn't care about. Suddenly, you're sitting in front of the TV intently watching the Monday night Cardinals vs. Raiders game, because your fantasy team's final score is totally dependent on how many receptions Larry Fitzgerald has. Which is pretty unreasonable if your Packers beat the snot out of the Bears in the early game on Sunday. Silver lining? It makes going out to watch the games on Sundays WAY more interesting. Suddenly, you understand why everyone loves the game so much.

One of my greatest triumphs is when I can talk about stats and points about little known players. I was out with a great friend a few years ago. She'd asked me to come with her to the local Browns bar to watch the 2nd half of the Browns' home game against the Patriots. As a true Packer fan, I'm an NFC kinda girl, and I couldn't care less about a random interconference AFC game, but whatever, I love football and my friends. And besides, the Browns were winning! Who wouldn't want to witness this live and among their fans? At the time, Peyton Hillis was one of my running backs on my fantasy team.. He was the Browns' running back that year, and their star player. He was a fantasy sleeper -- meaning, for those of us who had him, he was likely an auto-pick -- but out of no where, he started scoring mad points. (The same thing would happen with Joique Bell of the Detroit Lions the very next year). So, I'm standing at the bar, and Peyton Hillis runs it in for a touchdown. I'm not in a Browns jersey but I'm totally screaming my head off. A guy standing next to my friend makes some snarky comment like "riiiiight...like you really the Browns." And I respond, "they're alright, but more importantly, Peyton Hillis is KILLING it for me!! He's got like 28 points today!!" At which point the guy totally high-fived me for a) knowing who Peyton Hillis was in the first place, b) choosing him for my fantasy RB, and c) playing (doing?) fantasy football. Added bonus? It always feels good when Tom Brady is losing.



*And, as an aside, it's a great way to learn more about teams and players outside of the ones you already follow.

Go For It!

Some of the most exciting moments in football happen when a team is facing a 4th down and they decide to go for it. Ask any Pats fan about the 4th and 2 play against the Colts in 2009, or any Packers fan about 4th and 26 against the Eagles in 2004 and you will be met with an audible groan. One of the fundamentals of football are the downs. So let's start with a quick definition about what they are and why we care.

Downs are essentially "chances." A team has 4 chances to move the ball 10 yards. Once a team moves the ball 10 or more yards, then they get 4 new chances to go 10 more yards. To keep track of where we are, announcers generally refer to the number of yards to go before a team will have moved the ball 10 yards. With me so far? Ok, let's try an example.

Okay, you always start with the 1st down and you always have 10 yards to go. So, the first play of any series is always 1st down and 10 yards to go -- for short: 1st and 10. So let's say, the quarterback does a quick pass to the running back and he runs 4 yards. Now, time for a little bit of math.* We had 10 yards to go, and we only went 4. So we've still got 6 yards until we've moved 10. So therefore there are 6 yards to go and we've only got 3 downs (chances) to get there. So for our second chance we have 6 yards to go. Or....you got it...2nd and 6. Now, let's say on the next play, the quarterback throws a pass to the wide receiver who is about 5 yards away. The wide receiver catches it, but is immediately tackled. Now what? Well, back to math. We had 6 yards to go, but only went 5. So 1 yard to go and 2 chances to get there. It's our 3rd shot to move 10 total yards. So it's now what? (All together now) 3rd and 1.

Now, let's get fancy. On the 3rd down, a wide receiver gets away from a receiver and hauls ass down the field about 15 yards. QB hurls the ball to the wide receiver, who catches it and runs another 10 yards before being tackled by a cornerback. Now what? We've got another chance to go, and we're 24 yards past where we needed to be. Is it 4th and -24? Of course not, that'd be silly. We made it the 10 yards, so we start over with 4 new downs to go another 10 yards. So, it's 1st and 10.

Ok, let's say the defense is really good, and has just been containing the wide receivers and stuffing the running backs. So, let's say it's 4th and 1**. If you try and fail to go that 1 yard (the whole thing people...close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades), then the other team takes over exactly where you are. That's no good. So you can either kick it away -- pinning them as close to their own end zone as possible. OR, you can try to go that 1 yard. And this is where so many cringe-worthy or awesomesauce moments are born. Take this, for example:



In this video, we see the Packers stop the Steelers at 4th and 2...in the final meaningful play of the Super Bowl. With this stop, the Packers fans are celebrating and Steelers fans are crying.

Tomorrow, I head out for a re-match of the Fail Mary. Sure, it's a pre-season game, but it's going to be awesome! Next time you'll see me, I'll be the one with the heels on the gridiron. Love it!

******************UPDATE*******************

Someone pointed out that field position is an important part of the decision of whether to go for it or not. This is true. Certainly when a team is in the red zone, the odds of going for it on 4th down go up. At that point, they are just sooooo close to the end zone that a team might think it's worth the risk. The farther away from the goal line, the lower those odds will get. Another factor? The time in the game. When it's the 1st quarter, the team may kick it away and rely on the defense to get the ball back. 4th quarter and last few minutes of the game? Well, that's how you end up with videos such as the one above. It's either go for it, or feel like you didn't give it your all and try to win the game. Lastly, the skill of the players is a big part of the decision. If you've got one of the top running backs in the league (Adrian Peterson -- Vikings; Brandon Jacobs -- Giants; Ray Rice -- Ravens; and so on) you're more liable to rely on him to get you those last few feet.

There are stats floating around the internet that say teams should go for it more often than they do. The pressure certainly makes the game more exciting. Wonder if we'll be seeing a lot of teams trying to turn that 4th down into a 1st down? We'll see!



*I know, I know. I was also told there'd be no math. But you can handle this, I promise.

**Yes, exactly. We've gone 9 yards in the first 3 chances.

Pre-Season

Well, it's pre-season. That special time of year when teams test out their first-round draft picks, players feel out the extent of their injuries, and teams everywhere convince themselves that *this* is the year. It's also the time when the anticipation of football season begins to build. Pre-season is to football what August 1st is to the first day of school. I find myself mourning the end of summer but eagerly awaiting the first play of the first game.

Just like going to school, each football season I learn something new about the game. This year, my goal is to once and for all understand a read-option play. I've got the gist -- and I know that the Packers defense have yet to really be able to stop it -- but I want to be able to explain it to other people.

So, how did I get to where I am? Well, first, let me tell you how it didn't happen. Daddy wasn't a coach -- this was not a real life Remember the Titans, ok? Also, I am not a reporter for ESPN. (These are real questions I've been asked). Finally, I am not, nor have I ever been, a jersey chaser.* When I decided to learn the game, the way I went about it was to watch the game. Every Sunday after church, I'd turn on the game. I quickly figured out that Madden rarely actually talked about the game. To be fair, it is difficult to discuss the game when your lips have been sewn to Brett Favre's ass. When he could tear himself away from his bro-crush on Favre, he'd generally regale Al Michaels with tales of his tour bus and the year's turducken.** All of this was incredibly interesting (and by that I mean, irrelevant and useless), so I needed to find a different way. Lightbulb moment, I figured it out -- I would turn on the TV with the sound off and turn to the Packers Radio Network and listen to Jim Irwin and Max McGee (and later, Wayne Larrivee and Larry McCarren) explain the action in painstaking detail. Those details, helped me figure out what was really happening in the game. And you know what? The more I understood it, the more awesome it got.

Presumably, if you're reading this blog, you already have a basic understanding of the game. You know the difference between offense and defense, and you get the scoring. So I won't bore you with the easy stuff. Instead, when I'm not complaining or celebrating about particular games or plays, I'll spend a little time explaining more complicated things. (Like seriously, what IS a screen pass?!!? And why do I care what a YAC stat is?).

Any special requests? Drop a shout out in the comments.

It's almost time!!


*Jersey chasers: ho's that chase professional ball players so that they can trick him into marriage and never have to work again; at least until they become eligible to be a character on Has-Been TV. See: Basketball Wives, or Love and Basketball.

**The man is a legend but thank goodness he retired. Am I right?

Back That Pass Up -- An Introduction

Last week, I was lucky enough to be chosen to participate in a study, learning about how women interact with football. This led to a desire to create a blog for women...because that's the natural progression of things. Uh huh. Right.

So first, a little about me. I've been watching football since I was a cheerleader in high school. It all started with the cheerleading captain calling out:

First and ten!
Do it again!
Go Raiders Go!
*herky*

And me noticing that it was 3rd and 7 (for the other team). I was fairly certain that 1st and 10 was different than 3rd and 7...but I wasn't entirely certain how. I was absolutely certain that we shouldn't be cheering for the other team to get 1st and 10. Because I assumed that it didn't mean be the first to lose 10 points. But what did it mean? Well, I was a pretty clever gal in high school, and I decided I could figure it out. Because how hard could it be? Seriously. No one's ever accused the jocks of being rocket scientists, right?

Fast forward a few (*ahem*, yes, a few) years later, and here I am. On any given Sunday during football season, you'll catch me on the couch or at a bar watching the game and checking my fantasy football stats. I'm screaming at the wide receiver for dropped passes, and wondering out loud if the defensive coordinator is ever going to successfully call a 3rd down conversion. And it's a pretty great way to spend my nipples-freezing-off winters in the cold Midwest. I've also discovered that there are a ton of women who, like me, can succinctly tell you the difference between a quarterback and a corner back. And we don't watch just to function as our man's arm candy.* What I've noticed, however, is that we don't get to hang with the fellas...the "true sports fans" (eyeroll). No, we're mostly pushed to the corner. Like the kids to the card table on Thanksgiving. That is, unless the girl is a total tomboy, dressed in Tims and flannel. Then she's, you know, "one of the guys". Pfft.

Well, eff that noise. A girl can be a girl and still watch the game. I can talk about which receivers have the best YAC stats while I'm rocking my leopard print stilettos and swinging my Kate Spade bag. And I am here to speak for all of us. Ladies? It's time to stand up. To boldly discuss defensive strategy, the best response to a read-option play, QBs who scramble out of the pocket, shoes, mixing prints, and chocolate martinis in the same breath. And for f**k's sake...we don't give a shitake mushroom what the hell Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari had for dinner last night. We DO care that he threw an interception on the first play of the pre-season game last night...and yo, is Tim Tebow really going to be running routes now? REALLY?!

My name is pheebee...let's get to the grid iron.