Thanksgiving Day

I was hoping to spend today basking in the joy of Thanksgiving leftovers and the Packers taking first in the NFC North. Guess who isn't basking? On this, the 75th Thanksgiving Day game of the Packers and Lions, the Packers fell 40-10 in Detroit. Grant it, we have an injury list that looks more like our first string roster than our starting roster, but as James Jones said yesterday, that's really no excuse. Everyone has a job to do...ahem...rant over.

I am fortunate enough that in my family, the older generation still does all of the cooking on holidays, so no one expects me to bust a move in the kitchen just because I'm a girl. Giving me plenty of opportunity to slip away and watch the game. (Grant it, this year there was really no need). I have another friend who married into one of those twilight zone families where it's actually all the men who do the cooking (and she doesn't even take advantage of it by watching football! What?!). Now, if you are a girl, and you are not so fortunate, here are my top tips for getting out of the kitchen and onto the couch where you belong.

1. Offer to bring something. Make or purchase it the night before. Drop it off in the kitchen and then proceed to the couch.

2. Claim butterfingers. Tell the story of how you once were helping out during a family barbecue. You were in charge of slicing up the brisket. Somehow -- something you have yet to figure out after all these years -- the knife slipped and you ended up slicing open your [hand, finger, forearm] and bleeding all over the brisket. You'd hate to have history repeat itself, so you'd better stay out of the kitchen. Showing a gnarly scar would be an excellent way to make the story come alive. I suggest pointing to the scar you gave yourself when pulling a frozen pizza out of the oven.

3. Admit that you can't cook. Tell everyone that your culinary skills so bad that everyone would have to spit it out in a napkin and that would just be a waste of food. Although in this instance, you may not want to say "culinary." Only people with some modicum of culinary skills would call them culinary skills.

4. Try the old "oh, y'all look like you've got this down to a rhythm! I am just going to get out of your way!" trick. It's a risky move...someone may collar you right as you try to make the getaway and you're stuck with a potato masher, taking your frustrations out on some helpless potato and missing David Akers miss a field goal after being iced for the first time in a decade. But if you're sly like the jungle cat, this approach just may work.

5. Arrive to dinner very very late. You know, right before it's time to set the table. And then, graciously offer to set the table because you were so late (during halftime, natch).

Thanksgiving may be over, but remember these tips. They are sure to come in handy for holidays to come!