Week 2 Predictions

Well, last week I did oooookayyy. But there were far more upsets than I thought there would be. Let's see if my picks are closer to target this week.

Jets v. Patriots: Jets. Just kidding. Patriots, all day long. Tom Brady and Co may wait until the end to start turning up the heat, but Geno Smith just doesn't have what it takes to beat the Pats. And, with Mark Sanchez injured, there's no back up plan. Plus, I heard that Coach Rex Ryan lost his fire -- that is NOT a confidence booster.

Rams v. Falcons: Falcons. The Falcons are at home, and the Georgia Dome is a notorious 12th man (although not quite as notorious as the Seahawks' field). Plus, like I said before, the Falcons are prone to choking, they usually save it for big games.

Chargers v. Eagles: Eagles. After what I thought I saw in the Chargers last week, I might have given the Chargers a fair shot. And then I remembered that they blew a 3 TD lead against the Texans. Plus, Vick, McCoy, and Jackson were on FIYAHHHHH last week. Both teams have the sort of momentum that sticks around like an ex-boyfriend that you broke up with.

Cowboys v. Chiefs: Just for fun, I'm going with the Chiefs. Sure, the Cowboys are a better team, and Dez Bryant is back on the line, and sexy sexy Miles (and Miles) Austin seems to be cured of the dropsies. However, I still say that Andy Reid and Alex Smith have matching axes to grind. That kind of pisstivity should take them at least into Week 3. Besides, I need more than one upset pick.

Dolphins v. Colts: Colts.

Titans v. Texans: Let's go with the Texans. That was a great comeback last week.

Washington v. Packers: Packers. I know I said the Packers have struggled against the read-option, and RG3 runs like a little kid during recess. But did you see what the Eagles did to Washington last week? I'm just counting on Washington's D not being able to hold 4 receivers.

Browns v. Ravens: Ravens. In this rivalry game, I've gotta go with the better team. Grant it, Joe Flacco is a mediocre QB disguised as an elite QB (thanks to the Super Bowl ring) -- but I can't tell you one weapon that the Browns are wielding right now. They're a lovable team but they seem to be managed like a business rather than a sports team. Which rarely ever works (see: Bucks, Milwaukee.)

Panthers v. Bills: Panthers. Why? Because I think Cam Newton is hot*. Get off me.

Vikings v. Bears: Bears. I wish there was a way for both of these teams to lose. But since a tie is rare, I'll go with the home field team. With any luck, AP will run all over the Bears just to make their beloved defense look bad.**

Saints v. Buccaneers: Saints.

Lions v. Cardinals: Lions. Megatron + Reggie Bush = magical offensive numbers. Side note, if you can get either one of these workhorses for your fantasy team, do it. Also, send me an invitation to that team because you've clearly got a league full of people who don't watch enough of the game. I could clean up!

Jaguars v. Raiders: Raiders. This pick is based totally off of one singular comment a colleague of mine made, with regard to the Colts/Raiders game last week: The Raiders aren't good, but Pryor is f#cking amazing.***

Broncos v. Giants: Broncos. Need I remind you of Broncomania last week? Also, the Giants we are still in the "start slow" portion of the Giants' season. Plus, the rookie RB seems to have a severe case of the dropsies....and without the saving grace of speed and power like AP in Minnesota. Word on the street is that Brandon Jacobs is back...but even still, he needs to get integrated back into the team.

49ers v. Seahawks. 49ers. This is my second upset pick. The Seahawks have the most notorious 12th man in the league. But the 49ers are on a roll.

Steelers v. Bengals. Bengals. The Bengals are at home, and the aging Steelers just looked sluggish last week.


*Check out his picture here. And THAT isn't even a good picture of him. Had I put a good one up, your internet might have melted, and I care about you too much to let that happen.

** That, my friends, is pure inter-conference rivalry spite. And I'm not ashamed to admit it.

*** To which I responded, "who is Pryor?" After giving me a blank stare for a good 5 seconds longer than necessary, my colleague informed me that he is the Raiders' QB. To which I said, "oh. So they don't have Carson Palmer anymore? Sad. He was my fantasy QB a couple years ago during Brees' bye week and he did AWESOME." I was met with another blank stare. Shrug.