TRTT

As some of you know, I am an employment lawyer. Typically, I negotiate agreements for executives – employment, severance and separation agreements. At times, I’m retained to assist with drafting a response to a performance improvement plan (PIP) or poor performance reviews. Over the years, I’ve come to the conclusion that PIPs and bad performance reviews are really just a notice of a termination. If you are ever given a PIP at your job, start dusting off that resume because at the end of it, you’re getting canned. This realization led me to the conclusion that PIPs are…well…BS. Were I to run my own company, I doubt I’d use a PIP. Or if I did, I would use it as it was originally intended – to help someone improve their performance. If I wanted someone gone, I would just say to them:

“Hi. Thanks for coming in today. You no longer work here. You’ll be getting three weeks of pay to help you through the transition. Best of luck.”

I call it, The Real Terminator Technique ©. If ever there was an organization that has embraced the TRTT, it is the NFL. Last night when I went to bed, the Raiders had a head coach. When I woke up six hours later? The Raiders were shopping for a new coach and Dennis Allen was preparing himself for the unemployment line. Grant it, he’s had a horrible record since he was hired – and this year the Raiders started 0-4. But talk about harsh? They kicked him to the curb over the phone, (after coming in from London).* Ouch.



This on the heels of the announcement that Kyle Orton will be starting for the Bills, and EJ Manuel will be getting very familiar with the bench.** EJ takes over bench riding after having an abysmal QB rating in the first three games and having almost as many INTs as TDs. Not quite fired – but just as good as being put on an indefinite time out.

What I’ve noticed over the past 2 years or so, there are no more PIPs and no more poor performance reviews in the NFL. Back in the day, coaches and QBs were generally allowed to finish out the season. Not so much these days. Fans and owners want to see wins. Big wins. There is no more patience, and frankly it looks like there is no more rebuilding years. People want it all NOW. And if you can’t deliver, the NFL is quick to show you the door.

Hey, them’s the breaks. Hopefully these changes will result in a little more parity for the Bills and the Raiders. I doubt it. But maybe…




*Which is lunacy. But that’s a rant for another day.

**Yet another QB falling into the sophomore slump. I just love it when I’m right.

Pumps...and Pigskins

If you've checked out my [new] Instagram account, you'll see that there is a more girly side to pheebee (the Pumps of Pumps & Pigskins, if you will). Well, this weekend, I went to my first NFL regular season game, and I exercised my right to be a chick who love the game. Thanks to CoverGirl's new collection, I was able to do what Tyra Banks would call high editorial makeup along with my hat and t-shirt.*

In case you missed it, CoverGirl launched a look for all 32 teams; helping ladies look like high fashion fans. And y'all? I am ALL the way in. First, it's reminiscent of face painting from the toddling days. Second, it's not unlike when I was a cheerleader back in the day and we'd add sparkles, stars, and Red Raider face paint to support our team (GO BIG RED!!) Last, it's just plain awesomesauce.

Anyway, I was at a game with the Sig-O, and his team was playing some random team unrelated to my conference and any of my rivals. Therefore I wore his team's colors (totally acceptable as long as our teams don't play each other this year AND we are in separate divisions). After several attempts I decided that the Chicago Bears look was the best for my face shape, so I went with that and just altered the colors to NY Giants colors. Tell me...how'd I do?

Original:


Me:


To find your team's look, check out CoverGirl's collection here.

*But no pumps. Who the hell wears heels to a football game?!

Week 4 Predictions

I thought I would have access to a computer today, but alas, I do not. So just a quick list for you. I'll be back live next week!!

Washington

Baltimore

Chicago

Houston

Indy

Detroit

Miami

Pitt

San Diego

ATL

Philly

NOLA

New England

Week 3 Predictions

I knew my TwittPick would be right, I DIDN'T know that it would be such a blowout. I mean, Matty Ice shellacked Lovie's Bucs. It's serious when starters sit at the halftime. Anyway, moving on to this week's picks.

San Diego v. Buffalo: Buffalo. The Bills are 2-0 and are going strong. And they are home. Phillip Rivers and Antonio Gates have found a rhythm, but I'm not sure it's enough against the Bills' defense.

Tennessee v. Cincinnati: Tennessee came out of the gate like spring...in like a lion but out like a lamb. Meanwhile, Cincinnati's backs have been lighting up D-lines the past couple weeks. That said, A.J. Green is injured (although, I think he'll play this week). I'm not sure the Titans' defense is up to the challenge, though. So I'm going for Cincinnati for tomorrow.

Baltimore v. Cleveland: I'm taking Cleveland as my upset pick. They had a huge win last week, and all of the off-the-field shenanigans that are going on has been seeping into the Ravens' daily life. Yesterday there was an emergency meeting, and according to the Twitterverse it involved players as well.

Green Bay v. Detroit: Normally in a rivalry game I'd take the home team. And Megatron is a serious threat against the Packers' sorry defense. That said, something goes haywire whenever Green Bay goes to Detroit and the Lions end up losing. So I'll take Green Bay.

Indianapolis v. Jacksonville: Indy.

Oakland v. New England: New England.

Minnesota v. New Orleans: NOLA. New Orleans coming off a huge loss to the Browns and Minnesota loses AP for the season.

Houston v. New York: Giants get their first win of the season.

Washington v. Philadelphia: Washington. Once again I'd normally take the home team, but this is Desean Jackson's first game against his old team. No matter what he's going to have a huge game. And when Desean Jackson lights it up, he goes HAM.

Dallas v. St. Louis: Dallas.

San Francisco v. Arizona: Arizona. Because the 49ers seem to have lost a little bit of their glossy finish. And, I think Arizona is tired, TIRED, TIRED!!! of being ignored as an elite team in the NFL.

Kansas City v. Miami: KC.

Denver v. Seattle: Denver. In this Super Bowl rematch, I take Denver. Because Peyton won't be taking a dive this time.

Pittsburgh v. Carolina: Carolina...because Pitt's defense isn't what it used to be.

Chicago v. New York: J-E-T-S!

NFL and the Girls, Part 2

Last month, I wrote about the Ray Rice incident, and the complete and total failure on the part of the Commish and the NFL to appropriately handle the situation. And I hoped that would be the last of the clichéd post from a female football blogger. But alas, much like when you hide dirty laundry under the bed, eventually what appeared to be a perfectly lovely bedroom turns into a den of exploded laundry and you can do nothing but take a stilted breath and deal with the mess; such has become the NFL and its domestic violence “policy.”

In case you missed it, TMZ* released the prequel to the video that got Ray Rice suspended for two games. In short, prior to dragging his then-fiancée out of the elevator, Ray punched her in dead in the face like he was facing an opponent in the boxing ring and she was out cold.** After the video was released, the Ravens immediately released Rice, and Commish Goodell took his butt off his shoulders*** and suspended Rice indefinitely. For me, a series of questions followed:

1. Why was two games of punishment sufficient in the first place?
2. Since Goodell is probably lying, why wasn’t this video enough to get Rice fired more permanently?
3. And, what in the hell did Rice say to whitewash the story that was actually believable? (the official word is that Rice didn’t tell the truth and that’s why they were willing to give him another chance).

None of these questions were answered. Natch. But what we do know is that once the proverbial dirty laundry was aired, the NFL took swift action against Rice. But no so much against a 49ers player, Ray McDonald, who was also arrested on suspicion of domestic violence. 49ers CEO says he is going to let due process take its course. Frankly, the lawyer in me is cool with this, since Rice has been arrested, indicted, and entered into a post-arrest program; whereas McDonald has been arrested on suspicions only.

But this isn’t where it stopped. Much like back in 2009 when Tiger Woods was exposed as a serial cheater after one accusation led to what felt like 100 others, the same has happened in the NFL. First, Rice, then McDonald. Then, Adrian Peterson of the Vikings was indicted on charges of child abuse. And now, cover-ups of Brandon Marshall have resurfaced. Mostly, these charges are reflecting less on the players and mostly on the NFL and its blind eye policy to violence against women (and possibly children); and how that contrasts it’s scorn of drug use. As NFL Memes put it:

I’m not surprised by any of this. I’ve been practicing employment law long enough to realize that when the top revenue generators are in trouble, the CEOs/Chairmen/Senior Executives will do anything and everything in their power to keep that top generator making money. In the case of the NFL it’s the starters that are making that money. I’ve got $10 that says if a practice squad guy is arrested for domestic violence, he’d be out on his ass faster than he could say “not guilty.” Instead of surprise, I’m frustrated. I’m frustrated because the sports leagues are some of the only employers that can so strictly limit their employees’ off-duty conduct. The level of control they exert over these guys’ conduct should extend to punching a domestic partner in the face.

I hate to point out that nearly half of the fans are women (and therefore, half of the people with purchasing power of NFL fan items, and half of the people advertisers want to target) because I don’t think that should be part of the conversation. Men should be just as offended by a man who is professionally trained to hit someone hard enough to give that person a concussion is using that might to express anger/control/frustration/prove a point on a person of lesser strength. To give you a better analogy, if Mike Tyson gets into a bar fight, he’s guilty of assault with a weapon, because he’s a professional boxer. Football players may not be trained to land a jab, but they sure as shit know how to knock a 300 lb linebacker on his ass.****

Now, the NFL has (somewhat patronizingly) hired 3 women and promoted a 4th to develop a domestic violence policy. In this case, I’ll say right result for the wrong reasons. I’m hoping that fake claims don’t start coming out of the woodwork, but if this is what it takes to get a change in culture then so be it.

Just my two cents.

*The NSA of celebrities and sports figures

**Interestingly enough, he probably wouldn’t do that in a real game, since it would result in an injection. See: Wilkerson, Muhammad, in Jets vs. Packers just last week.

***Which is the polite, southern lady way of saying he took his head out of his ass

****Recent lack of tackling in Packers, Giants, Bears, and other games of the past two weeks notwithstanding.

Week 2 Predictions

Before I get into this week's picks, a word about my TwittPick. ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR GUT!!!! This is what I get for listening to other people. I knew to pick Baltimore. In a rival game, unless the away team has been in beast mode for several weeks, or the home team is down right terrible, I always pick the home team. Because home field advantage is real. Something like getting yo' ass whooped in front of your kid or a group of friends. It just ain't right.

Anyway, Baltimore won, and I would have been right but for my ridiculous decision to listen to a co-worker and a friend of mine. Note to self: don't ask for their opinions anymore.

Ah well, let's see if I can do any better for this week. Here we go:

Miami v. Buffalo: Both teams are coming off of huge wins last week. But I'm really liking EJ Manuel and Buffalo's defense, so I'll go with Buffalo. To be fair, that's pure speculation.

Detroit v. Carolina: I am calling Detroit, and here's why. Cam Pretty-Boy-Oh-So-Fine Newton was apparently talking mad smack in a press conference earlier this week. He referred to Newton called Ndamukong Suh “Donkey Kong Suh” five times during his press conference.* For those of you keeping track, Suh is a dirty defensive tackle. And near as I can tell, he wears that title as a badge of honor. He gives, ZERO f***s about the fines that the NFL is willing to dole out. In recent memory, he's been tagged for unnecessary roughness, stepping on an opposing player's hand, and an infamous stomp during the Thanksgiving 2011 game against the Packers:



So basically, I hope Cam Newton has some of the best blockers ever to play the game. Otherwise it's going to be a VERY long day for Cam. And Detroit wins without any reference to the Golden Megatron combo.

Atlanta v. Cincinnati: Cincinnati.

New Orleans v. Cleveland: New Orleans. Always bet on Drew Brees.

New England v. Minnesota: New England. Yeah, Minnesota is coming off a huge win...but they're also losing AP to child abuse charges in Texas.** Meanwhile, New England got walloped by Miami last week, and Tom Brady's ego won't let him lose twice.

Arizona v. New York: Arizona could pull this off. New York seems to be mid re-building year, and they've given Eli a whole lot to learn. Plus, we all know that the Giants start show every year.

Dallas v. Tennessee: Tennessee.

Jacksonville v. Washington: Washington.

Seattle v. San Diego: Seattle.

St. Louis v. Tampa Bay: Tampa Bay. Lovie Smith is supposed to be the defense guru, and St. Louis is hurting from losing their QB (again). If you picked up TB's defense in your fantasy league, it might be a good day for you.

Kansas City v. Denver: Denver. I'm not sure bitterness and hate is going to carry KC into another season. But in any event, Peyton is at home.

New York v. Green Bay: Green Bay. The Packers just aren't losing this game at home. #nope.

Houston v. Oakland: Houston.

Chicago v. San Francisco: San Francisco. Cutler makes horrible decisions and SF has a great defense. SF also has a competent QB...so there's that.

Philadelphia v. Indianapolis: Indianapolis. Truthfully? Pure speculation. LeSean McCoy is still Shady McCoy and likely to take off running. But Andrew Luck seems to have some sort of magical ability to win at home.





*FIVE TIMES, B? Really?!!? FIVE???

**side note: What is going on in the NFL? It's only Week 2 and we've had 3 well-known players arrested, plus 2 major positive drug charges. It's going to be The Replacements playing the game pretty soon. Somebody tell Keanu Reaves and Faizon Love to suit up.

Quick Bits: Talking Defense

A reader recently asked me to explain types of defenses. And so, request granted!

Most often, commentators will talk about man-to-man and zone coverage. Basically, man-to-man is when a defensive player is assigned to block (or defend against) a particular player. Zone is when a defensive player is assigned a particular zone. Simple, right?

In man-to-man coverage, the defender's only job is to make sure his assigned man doesn't get the ball (or in the case of an RB, doesn't get anywhere with the ball). The defender is going to stick to that guy like a tween to her HS crush....Following him like a lovesick puppy. Or a pit bull chasing bacon. Either way, in man-to-man coverage, the defender sticks to his, well, man.

In zone coverage, the defender is guarding his "zone" or his fiefdom. The biggest difference is, when a defender is playing zone, it doesn't matter who comes into his fiefdom, that joker is getting laid out if he's got the ball. (At least, that's the plan if it is effective zone coverage). Interesting fact: according to www.dummies.com (yes, I scour other sources so you don't have to!!) an easy way to identify zone coverage is when more than two defenders drop deep into the secondary.*

Now, within each of these, there are even more subtypes of the defenses: 3-4 Defense, Cover 2, Nickel, and so on. But that's more detail for a different day. Can you spot both of these this week? Let's call that a project for Week 2.

*so basically, they line up like a guy is at home plate during the kickball game rather than a girl. Did this bug anyone else in elementary school? No? Just me then.

Week 1 Predictions

It’s time for the first picks of the year! And no, I don’t want to talk about last night’s game, thank you. Let’s just get down to it, shall we?

New Orleans v. Atlanta: This is always a tough rivalry, but the Saints seem to best the Falcons every. single. time. Even though New Orleans is travelling, I’m still going with the Saints. And it has nothing to do with my secret love of NOLA. Who dat?!

Cincinnati v. Baltimore: With Ray Rice suspended, and Joe Flacco still being the most overpaid QB in the league, I would say Cincinnati stands a chance. But I couldn’t begin to tell you how the team has gelled at this point. So, I’m going to give it to Baltimore.

Buffalo v. Chicago: Chicago’s home field advantage is strong, but Buffalo had a strong start last year. Unfortunately, this is E.J. Manuel’s second year, and therefore he’s primed for a sophomore slump. The word on the street is that the Bills have a decent defense, but I don’t think there will be enough oompf there to carry Buffalo past Chicago.

Washington v. Houston: Listen, RGIII is going to shake off his sophomore slump, and hopefully has built a rapport with [one of my fantasy receivers] DeSean Jackson. Jackson is one quick-as-lightning sonuvagun, but as with any relationship QB to WR rapport takes time to build. In any event, we learned last year that JJ Watt can’t carry the Texans on his back. The Texans have a new QB and a disastrous last season. They’ve got enough to overcome without the pesky distraction of winning the first game of the season. I’m going Washington on the road.

Tennessee v. Kansas City: Let’s see if bitterness and hate can get it done another year! Go KC!

New England v. Miami: New England. Tom Brady, all day, every day.

Oakland v. NY Jets: J-E-T-S…hey, if the fans can get excited, why shouldn’t I? Also, Oakland just seems to be a motley crue of football player emeriti. It’s where players go when they aren’t quite ready to retire, but have been placed by someone newer, younger, and prettier.

Jacksonville v. Philly: Really?

Cleveland v. Pittsburgh: In a tough rivalry, it’s generally a good move to go with the home team. Pittsburgh.

Minnesota v. St. Louis: I would have picked St. Louis, except Sam Bradford is out. Again. So, I’m going with Minnesota. Perhaps AP is fired up again this year.

San Francisco v. Dallas: San Francisco.

Carolina v. Tampa Bay: I would pick Carolina, but it’s totally dependent on Cam Newton. Plus Lovie Smith is back and he’s huge on defense. Even if Cam is playing, I’m not sure he’ll be getting too much work in. I’m going Tampa Bay.

Indianapolis v. Denver: My co-worker told me it was going to be the Reggie Wayne show on Sunday night. But, this is a much hyped rematch, and Peyton lost last time. Plus, this is at Denver. I’ll go with Peyton at home.

New York Giants v. Detroit: Detroit should win this game. But they probably won’t, because they never win games they should. Even though they’ve got Golden Tate and Megatron to split up the entire secondary of the Giants…and yet.... New York Giants.

San Diego v. Arizona: Arizona.

Football Eve!

It’s Football Eve!!! SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not unlike the first day of school, there is a lot to be excited for. New rookies to watch for, 2nd year slumps to bet on, and just seeing how your team’s draft picks panned out. As is always my prediction, the first round draft picks are going to be huge disappointments (looking at you Johnny Manziel).

As is no secret, I’m a Packers fan, so I am one of the lucky fans who will be watching my own team for the NFL opening game on Thursday. The Packers drafted Ha Ha Clinton-Dix in the first round, and I’m excited to see what he can do for our ailing secondary. (And hoping he'll beat the odds of being a disappointing draft pick). I’m also interested to find out if Dom Capers is really trying to keep his job.**

One fact they may keep non-Packers and non-Seahawks fans interested in this game is that it is the first time the Packers have returned to Seattle since the Touchception Tragedy. Grant it, the super wack call brought the refs back to the game. But all at the expense of the Packers win. If you ask most Packers fans, that “call” still stings. To be fair, if the Packers had been winning in the first place, they wouldn’t have been in a position to lose the game based on one bad call in the first place.

Back to tomorrow's game....Seattle isn’t going to get any easier to play in, and if they truly are as good as they appeared at the Super Bowl, they are tough contenders. Currently they have a Power Ranking of #1. Interestingly enough, the Packers are ranked #4. If those rankings translate to the field, that means it’s going to be a tough game. Check out Twitter for my twit-pick tomorrow!


**Seriously, where was the defense last season?