7 Days Down, 14 to Go....

My friends tagged me in an article on one of my favorite pop culture websites, wherein the author accused people like me of being overly douche-y January 1 through January 15 as it relates to the resolutioners. Well, let me just say, that I am a Petty Betty AT LEAST through January 21 every year. And I think I’m entitled.*

Firstly, a definition:

Resolutioners: noun, refers to a group of people who declare the new year the year that they will no longer eat one metric ton of fried and sweet deliciousness, and will lose all that extra weight by going hard in the gym.

Now, I am a reasonable woman; and like most American women I am on some kind of quest to lose weight most of the time. I make a similar declaration each year and I am in the gym on January 1 (or 2nd, if the 1st falls on a Sunday) every year. I don’t begrudge anyone trying to improve a few notches on the level of awesometer. But, none of this gives anyone the right to be IN MY WAY.

For me, it’s not about how new people are wandering around like lost puppies. I also don’t mind if someone is copying my workout (I mean, odd, because I don’t consider myself a gym rat that has any modicum of clue as to what I’m doing, but I don’t mind if you want to copy my randomness). I DO mind how crowded the gym is for 3 weeks for no good damn reason. Y’all aren’t planning to stay so can you please leave now? And this chick whose workout is only being extended by two minutes? Girl, where are YOU working out? Can I come there? Because in these crowded streets of Chicago, we’re talking about sign up sheets on the treadmills, ellipticals, and step-mill with the line lasting at least 30 minutes, and getting turned away from Piloxing because all the passes are gone. So I’m left with hot lava fire pulsing under my skin from the pre-workout I just drowned, and no choice but to lift on a cardio day. But then….

The weight room happens. Ok, you’re new and just learning the difference between your rear delts and your triceps. I get it. Hell, there was a time I was doing lat pull downs and thought I was working my chest and shoulders. And I for sure did my share of lateral raises on arm day. The weight room can be confusing and mildly intimidating. But, being new to a routine or a gym is no excuse for why I have to run an obstacle course of 45 plates, towels, and Bosu balls because the resolutioner couldn’t be bothered to put the 10 lb dumbbell back on the rack. Re-racking is for everyone. And I am not a contestant on America’s Ninja Warrior.

But, I agree with the author on one point. I can bitch and moan about it, or I can adjust my workout. So a few years ago, that’s exactly what I did. I started going to the gym at 5AM. Because nobody’s resolution involves getting up with the chickens. I start my day with a bang and a hit of legal speed NOXplode and get myself to work with a sense of smug superiority.


*And like a true millennial, that’s probably part of the problem. But let’s not dwell on that today. ;-)

Welcome Back, Old Friend

So, around this time every year, I get a little voice in my head that starts composing blog posts. Three years ago, I started thinking about football and women and how the NFL largely ignored the female demographic. So, whereas I used to write about the shenanigans that happened in my daily life, I switched it up and started writing about football. And, if we are perfectly honest, my blog about pumps and pigskins got really really dry. Like stale toast dry. Like overcooked chicken for the 55th day in a row, dry.* So, I lost interest and called it good. I was telling my huzzzband** this, and that I still missed blogging. But now, my shenanigans are really not worth writing about and I didn’t think pumps and pigskins was interesting. He suggested that the reason I probably lost interest with this blog is because I was just posting stats and facts. Which, frankly, are things people can get from much better sources – there’s an entire television network dedicated to doing just that.

With those things in mind, I thought I might sit down and try to describe why I love the game. If you want stats and facts, well, try the Google. I am going to use this blog to be my usual snarky self, chat about Sunday Fundays and what’s going on around the league, and fashion. Because…pumps AND pigskins.

Anyway, I <3 football. I love watching it, I love talking about it, and I love trash talking with people who have the sad lot in life of being Bears fans. I mentioned it before, I started watching back in high school. Back then and through college, I was strictly watching the Packers. I wouldn’t watch the rest of the games because really? Who cared? I had a ton of homework to do and it’s not like I was responsible enough to get it done the rest of the weekend. (Hey! Those Boone’s Farms and B-52 shots weren’t going to drown themselves!) It wasn’t until after I started being a real adult that Sundays became Sunday Fundays. I started watching Bears games in addition to Packers games…for two reasons. One, because I couldn’t always get the Packers game in Chicago and two, because I needed more ammo for making fun of Bears fans. The final addition that took me from mere mortal to Football Goddess was when I and my girlfriends started going out every week. By then I was paying attention to the Packers, the Bears, the Browns, and to a lesser extent the Chargers. When we started our own Fantasy Football league, well then I just knew more specific stats about individual players regardless of team.***

When I’m watching the game with a hyped up crowd of people, I feel energized. It is electric – to put it in the girliest of terms, it’s like that feeling you get when you’re at a Beyoncé concert. Except sooooo much cozier. Also? It’s like the great equalizer. It helps introverts and extroverts, hipsters and meatheads, and girls and guys all have something in common. For three hours (or 12 if you’re going in for the entire day); everyone is talking about the same thing. You’re all cheering (or jeering) together; and without the heavy weight of the entire nation on your shoulders like you get in the Olympics.**** It’s like getting together for an awesome low key party once a week.

Even when I’m not out watching the game, there’s still bonding with people on social media – friends and family out of town and social media, obvie, about the game. We are all escaping to a little party where we are all on a rollercoaster of emotion together. Although you’re alone, you still get to feel like you’re at the festivities. How awesome is that?

It’s that social interaction, that party, that I love. Football is an open invitation to the biggest party of the year, every single week. And opening weekend (and rival weekend!) is sort of like going to that biggest party of the year, except it’s December 31, 1999. (At least, what I imagine that party looked like since I wasn’t old enough to go to the good parties yet). I'm sure there's some sort of connection to not being invited to those parties when I was in high school, but WHO CARES?! It's football and it's awesome in the here and now! And that’s why I love the game.

Welcome back, NFL.





* can you tell I’m in the midst of trying to lean out?

** say it in Sauuuunnnndraaahhh voice. And then give yourself 2 points if you can name the show in which Saundra appeared.

*** pro-tip. Fantasy Football helps you sit through games about which you would otherwise careless.

****shout out to Simone Biles, Simone Manuel, Michelle Carter, and the women’s track team!!!

Week 10 Predictions

Tennessee v. Baltimore: Baltimore

Kansas City v. Buffalo: Kansas City

Miami v. Detroit: Well, I stand by my statement that Miami is completely underrated. But Megatron is back and is going to be looking to make a difference. And yet, I'm going with Miami in an upset.

Dallas v. Jacksonville: Dallas.

San Francisco v. New Orleans: Listen, NOLA at home is amazing. SF still seems to be...off. Seems like there's a little trouble brewing behind the scene with that team, whether or not they care to admit it. I'm going with New Orleans.

Pittsburgh v. New York Jets: Pittsburgh.

Atlanta v. Tampa Bay: Bad v. Bad. I'll go Tampa Bay, just for giggles. And because my dad is a Tampa Bay fan.

Denver v. Oakland: Denver. Even though there will be 3 new starters on the O-line.

St. Louis v. Arizona: Arizona is 7-1 and leading the NFC. St. Louis has a bad habit of being a spoiler for a lot of teams. But I still say Arizona will win this one.

New York Giants v. Seattle: Hey, they're home. That's when Seattle actually wins.

Chicago v. Green Bay: Y'all already know! Go Pack Go!!

Carolina v. Philadelphia: Philly.

Also? Congratulations to the Browns. Looking like a bit of movie magic has been sprinkled on their heads. Hate to be wrong on my TwittPicks, but in this case, all I can think about is how happy Overton Wakefield Jones would be.

Week 9 Predictions

Jacksonville v. Cincinatti: Cincinatti. I mean really, is that even a question?

Tampa Bay v. Cleveland: Cleveland. Don’t sleep on Cleveland. Maybe all the Browns needed was Kevin Costner in Draft Day to create enough fan buzz for the team*.

Arizona v. Dallas: Is Dallas on enough of a winning streak? Or did Romo seriously injure himself? I’m not sure…but I’m going to ride with Dallas for one more game. Arizona seems to have hit a wall.

Philadelphia v. Houston: Houston. I like JJ Watt to lay some smackdown at home.

New York Jets v. Kansas City: KC all day!

San Diego v. Miami: San Diego.

Washington v. Minnesota: I’m on strike with Washington until such time that they start using Desean Jackson for the speed demon that he is. Minnesota.

St. Louis v. San Francisco: San Francisco is going to want to prove that they’re better than the Seahawks. What better way than beating St. Louis? (eyeroll). I pick San Francisco to win anyway.

Denver v. New England: I have no idea. No clue. Peyton will be Peyton. But Gronkowski is hitting his stride again. I don’t know. Vegas says Denver. I say home teams usually win. Either way, it’ll be a high scoring game. *flips coin*. Okay, my quarter says New England.

Oakland v. Seattle: Seattle. They’re at home, after all.

Baltimore v. Pittsburgh: Baltimore. But only because I think they’re the better team this year.

Indianapolis v. New York Giants: I think the Giants might get surprised on this one. Andrew Luck will pull it out in the end. Indianapolis.


*And therefore enough people to be the 12th man and/or do spirit fingers for game winning drives.

Week 8 Predictions

Detroit v. Atlanta: Detroit. In a ridiculous game in London.

Seattle v. Carolina: Seattle had their tail handed to them last week by the Rams (not to mention that was the 3rd game they’d lost in a row). They’ll be playing bitter on Sunday and it just might be enough to carry them past Carolina.

Baltimore v. Cincinnati: Baltimore

Miami v. Jacksonville: Miami

St. Louis v. Kansas City: Ohh, tough call. St. Louis will be riding high from beating the Super Bowl Champs. But I still like Alex Smith. I’m going with Kansas City.

Chicago v. New England: HA. New England.

Buffalo v. New York Jets: The Bills have lost their starting RB, and are still in the haze of some QB drama. So I’m going with the Jets. In any event, I’m interested to see what the Percy Harvin trade renders for the Jets. More heartache and pain? Or will Harvin have his wicked way with the Buffalo defense?

Minnesota v. Tampa Bay: Tampa Bay. Lovie used to be a defense evil genius. Meanwhile, Minnesota’s got some problems on the offensive side of the ball. If Tampa Bay wins, it will probably be by shutting down all of Minnesota’s offensive hopes and dreams.

Houston v. Tennessee: Houston.

Philadelphia v. Arizona: I think Arizona’s been underrated. And I also think that Philly’s “best offense in football” has been sleeping lately. Down there in the heat, I’m going for Arizona.

Oakland v. Cleveland: Look, don’t sleep on Cleveland. I’m just sayin’.

Indianapolis v. Pittsburgh: I heard on the pre-game show last night that this is Andrew Luck’s first time going up to Pittsburgh against Big Ben. I also heard that Polamalu just ain’t hitting folks the way he used to. With all that, I’m taking Luck to carry Indy through to the W.

Green Bay v. New Orleans: There was a time when these were the two best teams in the NFC. Certainly this will be a game with two of the best QBs. Both defenses are going to have a shootout on their hands. If you ask me, the winning team is going to have a pass rusher that lights up the QB (calling Clay Mathews and Julius Peppers) and a secondary that has a radar on the ball. In any event, I’m still taking Green Bay. Y’all already know.

Washington v. Dallas: Inter-conference game. But Washington refuses to use D. Jackson for the speed demon that he is. So I refuse to pick them to win anything. Dallas.

So, I went to a professional hockey game last week

A friend of a friend of a friend was selling his tickets to a game at the last minute. So I decided to go because I’ve never been, and I’ve been making an effort over the past 2 years to get into hockey. (Chicago Blackhawks to be specific. And yes it’s easier because they’ve been winning). Hockey, like baseball and basketball, requires far more commitment per week than football does. But, I can see myself getting into the end of the season – right as the could begins to settle after football season ends. It’s my hope that hockey will fill that sports void – at least a little bit.

Anyhoo, it was great going to the game. I got lucky with the seats – they were club level. And you know, no matter what stadium you’re in, club level seats always have better food. ALWAYS. What I wasn’t expecting was the crowd. It was QUIET. Like, tennis match quiet. Like, I could hear my phone ping when my dad texted me, quiet. Say what? What kind of fervor is this?! This may be the only sport where it is actually more interesting to watch the game on television. And I say that because the announcers are SO excited when they’re calling the game. Plus, they’ve got to be a lot more animated during the play-by-play. Keeping track of that puck combined with the ever-present possibility that someone is about to get slammed into the glass is bound to get anyone excited.

But live? *low whistle*. Pins could drop. You need to concentrate on where that tiny little puck is sliding. So, when there is a shot on the goal, the crowd collectively gasps, or sighs, or groans.* But otherwise the people are FOCUSED, man! On top of that, the ushers all had the opera signs, that say STOP! They hold them up during play. If you have to get up to use the john, you better be prepared to stand when you get back because there is no movement until the whistle blows and play stops.

That said, I’d go back to another game. Preferably one where the ‘Hawks are the pick and the spread is like 4 points. Because the celebration is completely raucous. People are singing, and dancing…and there’s a whole siren situation. Look, I can’t really describe it. Just watch this:







*Almost like watching the Mighty Ducks at the movies!

Week 6 Predictions

I am travelling again, so it is quick picks rather than in-depth picks. But, I figured better quick picks than no picks, amirite?*

Anyhoo, here we go:

New England
Cincy
Cleveland
GB
Minnie
Denver
Baltimore
Tennessee
San Diego
Atlanta (although Chicago should win, I doubt they do)
Arizona
Seattle
Philly
San Francisco

*and my mobile device is being difficult. Grrr